0:00

Unruly Confessions Ep 19 – Anxious and Horny

Arabella: 0:03

The following podcast contains adult themes, graphic sexual content, strong language, alcohol and drug references, and some infrequent violence. Everything you need for a wild ride.

Nicole: 0:05

The Band we have created for the podcast was inspired by many of our favourite bands, but they are all made up and fictional and most of the events are fictional too. Some of the events are inspired by things Bella and I have experienced, but the story as a whole is fictional.(Podcast theme music plays – Rat Head by Big Mouse Tree House)

Arabella: 0:08

Welcome back to Unruly Confessions guys, I'm Arabella and this is my best friend,

Nicole: 0:10

Nicole. Hello everyone, how are you all doing?

Arabella: 0:12

We're excited this is our penultimate episode of Season 1. So, we have finally reached our penultimate Episode 19.(Nicole then Arabella squeaks excitedly) Exciting!

Nicole: 0:16

So that should have given away that there are 20 episodes in this season.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 0:19

Oh yeah, and it's really exciting. And on top of the more exciting things is we were just interviewed on someone else's podcast.

Nicole: 0:21

Very exciting. Our first podcast collaboration with another human. That sounded like we had collaborations with non-humans.(Nicole chuckles incredulously) I'm sorry, why does my mouth work this way?

Arabella: 0:25

I do not know. Are we doing it with the mooses or the aliens?

Nicole: 0:27

The mooses, the bears(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 0:30

The bears, ah yes, those bears.

Nicole: 0:32

So no, we had a, we had a lovely friend from Australia interview us for his podcast and that was very fun and got quite deep. He asked some

Arabella: 0:34

Yeah

Nicole: 0:36

Intense questions. So, you guys will get to see that and we're not sure when - at some point in the future. That's not our baby.

Arabella: 0:38

Nope, and it's Unfiltered

Nicole: 0:40

Conversations with Creators

Arabella: 0:42

That's it.

Nicole: 0:44

So, check that out Minges podcast.

Arabella: 0:46

Yeah, he's great, he's awesome.

Nicole: 0:48

He's a very cool guy. So, um, we are going to very soon finish the season, but we would like you to know you do not need to fret about it, because we can promise you that there's going to be many, many seasons

Arabella: 0:51

(Arabella chuckles) Yes

Nicole: 0:54

Which is also what we told Minges last night.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 0:57

Yeah, there are soooo… There is so much writing, there is so much material that we've got, so buckle in bitches, we're on it!(Arabella laughs)

Nicole: 1:00

We're probably not going to - um well... Maybe we won't even end up doing all those seasons. We're really going to see what happens with the time

Arabella: 1:02

Yeah

Nicole: 1:04

Or maybe we end up doing this for the rest of our lives.(Nicole then Arabella laughs) We'll have to get - we'll have to train people to take over from us, because we'll like die and the story won't be done.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 1:09

Oh no, I was just imagining the geriatric us and the band trying to talk(Arabella and Nicole laugh)

Nicole: 1:12

Oh, the different kind of kink that would be.

Arabella: 1:14

Wow

Nicole: 1:16

I certainly couldn't do the primal – well, it depends on how healthy - If I keep doing the primal stuff, maybe I'll be nice and healthy when I'm 80 but maybe -

Arabella: 1:18

Or maybe you'll pop out a hip trying to do some move that you shouldn't be trying anymore.

Nicole: 1:20

Maybe that's true, or I'll be a little more fragile, so when he does the normal choking, I actually die.(Both chuckle)

Arabella: 1:23

Sex and death. Who knows? What a way to go.

Nicole: 1:25

Good lord, what are we doing? No, okay, back on track

Arabella: 1:27

I don't know.

Nicole: 1:28

Bella's gonna recap. There's no death. No one here is into snuff, by the way, just to be clear

Arabella: 1:30

We are really not. No, thank you.

Nicole: 1:31

We joke around

Arabella: 1:33

We would like to live.

Nicole: 1:35

Because we're ridiculous, but... I was actually I don't know why, why we went to death, because I was actually more imagining like, yeah, dislocating a shoulder by accident and going, “oh no!”

Arabella: 1:37

Yes, popping a hip

Nicole: 1:39

Yeah, I don't know why I went straight to choking death. Wow.

Arabella: 1:41

Because it's your dark little, twisty mind.

Nicole: 1:43

Yeah, so... Last week on Unruly Confessions with Bella.(Nicole and Arabella chuckle softly)

Arabella: 1:46

Last week on Unruly Confessions, Episode 18, Slippery Sucker. We started at movie night with the guys watching American Psycho and us talking about some of our more extreme fantasies.

Nicole: 1:48

Ah, nice lead in

Arabella: 1:50

Not quite death.(Nicole laughs)

Nicole: 1:53

Not death.

Arabella: 1:55

Not death. It sends Nicole and I off to calm down while we take a bath together, and she tells me that she had sex with Carter on the bus. Naughty, naughty Nicole. Bad.

Nicole: 1:58

Especially as, not that many episodes ago, I told you “I would never!”.

Arabella: 2:00

Exactly, guys, this isn't even been a full fucking week yet.

Nicole: 2:02

No, so sorry,

Arabella: 2:04

It has not. So, anyway, later, after the guys finish Shawshank without us, Mike isn't interested in having sex and goes to sleep. This leaves Nicole butthurt and with a new plan to do something silly. Oh, I wonder what that may be?!

Nicole: 2:07

Butthurt, not in the way that I would like to be butt-hurt.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 2:10

No. That something silly is Carter, of course. They once again have sex, and this time in Carter's hotel room, but they both decide that they have to tell Mike. Well, duh, don't be a dick.(Nicole Laughs) Nicky does a big weird when leaving, including shooting finger guns at him. As she sneaks back into Mike's suite. The next morning, she learns that there is a surprise something that evening - that I know about, but Nicky doesn't - despite that being uncomfortable for both of us because I don't like knowing things that she doesn't know. It doesn't work for me.

Nicole: 2:15

Nope

Arabella: 2:17

Nicky is confronted about the Carter situation by Jason in a furious scolding at the buffet table, which leaves Nicky reeling and oblivious as to who is feeling her up under the breakfast table. So, she mistakes Mike's hand for Carter's and digs her nails in. This rightfully so, sends Mike off in a huff and Nicole scurrying after him.

Nicole: 2:19

(Nicole clears her throat) Yeah

Arabella: 2:22

And that is where we left you(Arabella chuckles)

Nicole: 2:25

So sorry. I was so, I was so con, I was so reeling from Jason that I couldn't feel where hands were coming from, even though it's very clear

Arabella: 2:27

Which side

Nicole: 2:29

Normally where hands come from.

Arabella: 2:31

Yes, yeah.

Nicole: 2:33

Okay, well done me.(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 2:35

Yes(Nicole laughs) So on to Episode 19 - Anxious and Horny.

Nicole: 2:39

Oh, yeah,

Arabella: 2:41

So much

Nicole: 2:43

My default state.(Nicole laughs)(Podcast theme music plays – Rat Head by Big Mouse Tree House) I was getting it from all sides that day. Back in the suite, Mike was firing off because of what happened at the breakfast table. And yes, I'm uppity about it, but also, I guess, from his point of view, fair enough.

Arabella: 2:50

Fair enough.

Nicole: 2:52

I couldn't tell him that I thought it was Carter, so I told him that it was his fault for trying inappropriate things at the breakfast table.(Arabella and Nicole laugh) He must have been very confused about who I suddenly was -

Arabella: 2:56

Yes, it's like who are you? You're not the person that we've been on tour with.

Nicole: 2:58

Yeah, like we're like talking fantasy about being fucked like a slut in the toilets and here we are going “don't touch me -

Arabella: 3:00

-under the table at breakfast.”

Nicole: 3:02

How fucking dare you?

Arabella: 3:04

How unseemly, you cad!(Both still laughing)

Nicole: 3:07

He was very confused about why I suddenly had a problem with him trying to touch me. Yeah

Arabella: 3:10

Yeah, that’s fair

Nicole: 3:12

When Mike and I - What?

I said: 3:15

That's fair.

Nicole: 3:17

And when Mike and I eventually gave up the argument, I fell down on the blue satin bed covers with a sigh. The drama, I'm like - Ughhh

Arabella: 3:20

Blue satin. Yes, and also blue satin bed covers?(Nicole laughs) Wow!

Nicole: 3:24

These hotels are cushy as fuck.

Arabella: 3:26

Fuck, yeah!

Nicole: 3:28

I didn't answer him. I couldn't be bothered Apparently. I closed my eyes and sighed again. Ooooh, the drama. I'm just so -

Arabella: 3:33

So much drama!

Nicole: 3:35

Audibly sighing and like moving around the room in various positions you know what I mean maybe putting my hand a little under my chin -

Arabella: 3:37

Yes, I'm falling down on the bed with a sigh.

Nicole: 3:39

Being a drama queen.(Arabella gasps dramatically) How dare you I heard mike move across the room.“Hello.” I heard him say. I opened my eyes and lifted up onto my elbows. He was talking into the telephone.“Please send up some scotch, room 303. Yeah, thanks.” Oh, he's not even. He's so done. He's not even polite anymore. Well, he's polite, but he's like “meh”.

Arabella: 3:48

Yeah.

Nicole: 3:50

He hung up and ran a hand through his hair. He cast a look at me. “What?”“I didn't say anything.”“Stop looking at me.”(Nicole sighs, Arabella giggles) I sighed and fell back down on my back.“Just moonshine and bloody roses.” Silence.

Arabella: 3:58

You are so dramatic.(Arabella says this squeakily as she laughs)

Nicole: 4:01

I know, by the way, you guys. I feel the need to point out this isn't bratting. Well, this is like almost blurring the lines.

Arabella: 4:03

This is, this is twatting.

Nicole: 4:05

It's a little bit twatting because we should really just have a conversation about this.(Nicole wheezes a laugh)

Arabella: 4:08

Yes, and you need to own up to your guilt.

Nicole: 4:10

That's it. I think this is literally, this is why your communication is so important, because now we're creating extra problems. I let me be clear. I am creating extra problems because he's like “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Arabella: 4:12

Yeah

Nicole: 4:14

And I'm not telling him what the fuck is wrong with me.

Arabella: 4:16

No

Nicole: 4:18

Yeah. And he can't guess.

Arabella: 4:20

Which is why it's not bratting,

Nicole and Arabella: 4:22

It's twatting.

Nicole: 4:24

Do not be like this.

Arabella: 4:26

Yes.

Nicole: 4:28

I sighed and fell back down on my back. “Just moonshine and bloody roses,” Silence.“What the hell is the scotch for?” I asked.(Arabella laughs incredulously) No reply. I sighed angrily.“I'm ignoring you” he said.(Arabella laughs again) I lifted myself back onto my elbows. “I noticed.” This is also a very good way to go about it, because if you ask any of my Doms, if you let me, if you give me the silent treatment long enough, I will start derailing and tell you everything myself.

Arabella: 4:38

Yeah,(Nicole laughs) Yes.

Nicole: 4:42

You don't have to push very hard. He was sitting with his feet on the table, leaning back, with his eyes closed, and then his mobile rung. It was I'm a Barbie Girl(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 4:46

By Aqua?

Nicole: 4:48

By Aqua. Yeah, to be clear, I feel the need to just do a little.

Arabella & Nicole: 4:50

(Nicole sings, Arabella joins in) I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!

Nicole: 4:53

That's enough(Nicole huffs a laugh) Before we sing the whole song.

Arabella: 4:57

Yes.

Nicole: 4:59

(continues singing) Come on Barbie, let´s go party – Okay.

Arabella: 5:01

(continues singing) Uh-uh-uh, yeah.

Nicole: 5:03

Wow.

Arabella: 5:05

(continues singing) Ooh-oh! Ooh -oh!

Nicole: 5:07

It’s a. It´s a good song.

Arabella: 5:09

Yeah, we kind of love it.

Nicole: 5:11

“Good grief”, I laughed. “You must get some looks when that thing rings”.“Shut up.” He said in a surprisingly strong tone. I frowned. “I was joking”.“Hey baby.” He answered, pressing the- He sounded like Elvis. “Hey baby”(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 5:18

(Imitates) “Hey baby”

Nicole: 5:20

To be fair, I think it's hard to say hey baby without sounding like Elvis.(Arabella laughs) Sorry.“Hey, baby.” He answered pressing the mobile to his ear with a smile. I've never seen his face light up that way before. Aw, oh, I feel a little jealousy coming.

Arabella: 5:26

Oh yeah

I felt a knot in my throat when I realised who that must have been: 5:28

his wife.“Yeah, everything's great here. Yep, we're going tonight, looking forward to it. I miss you too, Ava.” He looked so happy. His voice was so soft, gentle, different Because

Arabella: 5:33

It's his god damn wife, not you.

Nicole: 5:35

Oh, I'm about to derail when I fucking know why.

Arabella: 5:37

Yeah.

Nicole: 5:39

It's not the same dynamic.

Arabella: 5:41

No, no, it's not.

Nicole: 5:43

Why, why do I get uppity when he's not gentle with me? If I wanted him to be gentle, I would get a Daddy Dom. Why am I being a little bitch?

Arabella: 5:45

Yes. Also, if he suddenly was gentle with you, you'd be like, “ah fuck, no, get away.”

Nicole: 5:47

I'd be like “The fuck are you doing? This is not what we´d agreed upon.”(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 5:50

(Arabella laughs) Exactly.

Nicole: 5:53

No, he's allowed to be gentle, just not all the time. 20 minutes later, I was sitting against the wall of the hallway. Wow, I removed myself from the room.

Arabella: 5:57

Yeah.

Nicole: 5:59

Communication everybody. Mike came out and immediately stopped and frowned down at me. “What are you doing?” I got up “Absolutely nothing, just taking in the scenery.” Then I laughed. Mike chuckled “Come on, I want to show you something.” I followed him back into the suite and into the bedroom.“How's Ava?” I asked politely.“Fine,” he said “she's thinking of maybe joining us on tour for a little bit.”“That wouldn't be weird?” I wondered out loud, “you know, with the-”“No, it wouldn't be weird” he said. “Now I need your attention on something else.” He gestured to the black box. Zero, he's like “No, no, focus, focus”

Arabella: 6:10

“Focus. We're doing this now.”

Nicole: 6:12

Yeah He gestured to the black box from the previous night at the foot of the bed. “See what you think.”(Arabella makes a small noise of nervous excitement) I frowned at him.“That means open it” he said, shaking his head with a crooked smile. Well, he's smiling at me now, so…

Arabella: 6:19

Yes, well, he's happy because he spoke to his wife.

Nicole: 6:21

True.

Arabella: 6:23

He's over your bullshit.

Nicole: 6:25

That and maybe he even... A part of me thinks that he might have… mini evoked that conversation with her, because she knows, obviously.

Arabella: 6:27

Yeah?

Nicole: 6:29

So, he might have like given it... She's like how's the tour going? He's like, “Well, it's stressful, she's a little annoying” in the way of... you know what I mean? Like “there's something going on” and then she was like... maybe she gave him some insight and he's like, “okay, I'm calm, I´m calm”.

Arabella: 6:31

Okay, yes

Nicole: 6:33

That's what I imagined.

Arabella: 6:35

Yes. That makes sense.

Nicole: 6:37

But who knows.

Arabella: 6:39

Yeah.

Nicole: 6:41

That's how most people who do ethical non-monogamy I know work.

Arabella: 6:43

Yeah,

Nicole: 6:45

Well... This, I, look, I wrote this. This is what I imagined.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 6:48

Yes, yes.

Nicole: 6:50

So, see what you think. I frowned at him. “That means open it, he said, shaking his head with a crooked smile. “You really are the most intense brat.”“I don't mean to be.” I lifted the lid off the box.(Arabella chuckles) Inside the box were folds of crushed black paper and, underneath that, folds of red satin. I frowned at it and then at him. I pulled the fabric out of the box, and it took on a new appearance. It was a gorgeous, low-cut evening dress in a style resembling that of the 17th century. It was a dark wine red with flowing three-quarter sleeves and a long skirt that gathered up the hips and then expanded as it flowed down to the floor with the help of padding underneath. It had a built-in corset that tied up in the front with black ribbon.“It's exquisite.” I breathed. “Did you buy this?” I looked at him in blatant surprise.“I am capable of style,” he smiled, “but I didn't pick it out. I described what I wanted to the shop, and they sent it over.”“No doubt.” I said, looking at the dress in awe. “Wow, she's going to love it.” Mike shook his head amused “Nicole, that dress is for you.”(Both laugh) I mean to be fair; I could be confused.

Arabella: 7:05

I love that you were like. He's showing you a dress, therefore, it must be for his wife.

Nicole: 7:07

(Nicole puffs a laugh) My brain has made very little sense to me in my lifetime so,

Arabella: 7:10

Yes, it's true,

Nicole: 7:12

This is, I have taken this from experience. This isn't just like made up shit.

Arabella: 7:14

Yeah. No, you're like “wait what?”.

Nicole: 7:16

“What?” I asked softly, looking at him, feeling a little hazy.“What is so difficult to understand? The dress is for you” he sighed.(Arabella giggles softly)“Who did you think it was for?”“For Ava, obviously.”“Right,” he said. “I suppose I can see why you would think that.” I looked back at the dress, my mouth open. “Why did you buy me a dress?”“You didn't expect to go tonight wearing a miniskirt, did you?” I frowned, genuinely confused. “I did actually… you mean to tell me I'm wearing this to your gig?” I looked at it again, astonished. “Are you performing for the Pope?”(Nicole and Arabella laugh) We both laughed.“You never listen, do you?” He sighed but was smiling. “Zander told you we're not performing tonight.” I finally put the dress down on the bed. “So where - ?““We're going to the European Music Awards.” He announced, nonchalant.“The European Awards,” I repeated.“Music Awards, yeah...”“It's in Switzerland?”“Yup”“Tonight?”“Yeah”.“I can’t- ““What?” he asked loudly.“I’m confused”, I said, sitting down on the bed, looking at the dress again. I stroked the satin. I looked up at him. He was frowning at me. I mean, bless him if he frowns at me for the rest of my life

Arabella: 7:41

Fair enough.

Nicole: 7:43

It would make sense.

Arabella: 7:45

Yes, yes.

Nicole: 7:47

“Why are you confused?”“Don’t you need to be invited to these things?”“You were invited. We all have plus ones but as we’re on tour, our wives and girlfriends aren’t here- ““What will people think if I’m on your arm instead of Ava?”“You’re not going to be on my arm- “ I mean, why the fuck would I think I was-?(Arabella laughs and Nicole huffs a laugh)

Arabella: 7:55

I know, right?

Nicole: 7:57

“Who am I going with then?”“I’ll tell you later”, he said unhelpfully. I was overwhelmed, “Oh my God.” He laughed at my excitement, but I didn't care. I jumped up - Big change, once I've understood.

Arabella: 8:03

Yes.

Nicole: 8:05

I jumped up and hugged him around the waist tightly. About –(Nicole and Arabella laugh quietly) After about five seconds he pushed me away, murmuring “Okay, okay.”(Both continue to laugh breathily) I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, I forgot. You only show affection to dogs.”(Nicole wheezes a laugh as Arabella bursts out laughing)“Shut up.” He said lightly. “You know, that's not true.”“Okie dokie.”(Arabella chuckles) I stared at the dress again. It really was amazing.“Hey, hang on...how did you know my size?” I asked him when the realization occurred to me. He raised his eyebrows. “Are you seriously asking that question?”“Bella?”“Obviously- “He grinned. “I’ve also seen and felt and smelt and tasted every part of your body...” Wow.

Arabella: 8:21

Oooooooohhh! Yeah.

Nicole: 8:23

I swallowed as a wave of pleasure ran down my spine. “Did Bella get a dress?” Quickly, quickly!(Arabella laughs croakily)“Yes, but Zander got hers”.“Of course.”“By the way, some chick is coming to do your hair and make-up at four”,“That too?”“Yup...that too”. There was a knock at the door and as he ran to get his scotch, he called over his shoulder,(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 8:34

He ran?

Nicole: 8:36

He ran! He was like “scotch, fuck yeah!”

Arabella: 8:38

He ran. Ooh yeah, wooooo!

Nicole: 8:40

Oh yeah, also, if you've ever seen

Arabella: 8:42

Sonic mode!

Nicole: 8:43

If you've ever seen this man run, he runs like... runs.

Arabella: 8:45

I don't think there'll be enough space in there to do a proper run.

Nicole: 8:47

Not for him, nah, for sure he...

Arabella: 8:49

No

Nicole: 8:51

But I was imagining, you know, like you know, um - quick insert here of imagining how he runs. If you guys have seen Divergent - the series - you know what's his name? Eric - the one trainer who trains the Dauntless –

Arabella: 8:53

Yeah

Nicole: 8:55

When he goes bad in the second film, and - you know like - they run through the forest? The way he runs, that's...

Arabella: 8:57

Yeah

Nicole: 8:59

That's, that's how this one runs.

Arabella: 9:01

Yes

Nicole: 9:03

Yes, you're not gonna win.

Arabella: 9:05

No, you're gonna die.

Nicole: 9:07

Yeah, which is why it's really funny, because in the film I love, every time I see that scene, I laugh my absolute head off

Arabella: 9:09

She does

Nicole: 9:11

Because they're all like whoops, like trying to like jump over little branches, like they're very clearly going a lot slower, and this guy's like “ooph, ooph”(Arabella makes a noise of rrrraawrr to similar effect) And it's like, but somehow, he is not outrunning them and I'm like “the fuck?”(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 9:16

Yeah, it's like come on!

Nicole: 9:18

This does not check out. Anyway…“With that dress you can hardly expect me to trust you to do the rest yourself”.(Nicole gasps and Arabella lets a noise of amusement escape)“Suppose not”, I said, softly to myself.(Arabella makes a weird sad noise)

Arabella: 9:24

Ow. Aw, baby.

No but to be fair: 9:26

for that kind of awards, I would rather someone professional do it.

Arabella: 9:28

Yeah

Nicole: 9:30

Same for you, like you're amazing at makeup, but I think your confidence would be like nah, someone else do it same for me.

Arabella: 9:32

Yeah. Well, I did your makeup for your wedding

Nicole: 9:34

That's true, and I looked amazing, so actually I take it back. Bella can do both our makeup. He just doesn't know how good you are yet.

Arabella: 9:36

Nah, it's fair.

Nicole: 9:38

He came back with his bottle of scotch, an ice bowl and two glasses. He put them down on the table. Bless him. He was pissed at me. He still got me scotch.

Arabella: 9:41

Yeah.

Nicole: 9:43

Aww okay.“Do you want one?” He asked“Yeah, please.” He poured the drinks and handed one to me.“Oh yeah,” he said suddenly and put his drink down on the table. He jogged to the bed. He's moving fast today.

Arabella: 9:49

My God, he's just like running around, just like ding-a-ling-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.(Nicole laughs)

Nicole: 9:52

And pulled a box out from under it.“There’s this as well”. The box looked like a shoebox. Because it was a shoebox.

Arabella: 9:56

It was in fact a shoebox.(Both are laughing)

Nicole: 9:59

Good lord Nicole.(Still laughing) He held it out to me, and I lifted the lid with my free hand. Inside the box were two high-heeled black boots.“Wow,” I said quietly, “you really shouldn't have.”“Yeah, I should have.” He answered easily “what were you going to wear on your feet otherwise?” You know, yeah, fair, good point. Here's this beautiful dress. Go, bare-foot, bitch!(Nicole bursts out laughing)

Arabella: 10:07

Yeah, wear your docs.

Nicole: 10:09

I would have,

Arabella: 10:11

You would have

Nicole: 10:13

Unless instructed otherwise, I would have worn my docs.

Arabella: 10:15

Which is why he bought

Nicole: 10:17

Me shoes. He was like “m-mm”.

Arabella: 10:19

Shoes. He was like “you're not wearing your fucking Docs.”

Nicole: 10:21

Just to be clear, the reason I was a little embarrassed about my shoe size is because they are humongous.

Arabella: 10:23

Which is hilarious because I'm the tall one -

Nicole: 10:25

Yep.

Arabella: 10:27

And I have

Nicole: 10:29

Dainty feet

Arabella: 10:31

Small feet and hands

Nicole: 10:33

Yeah

Arabella: 10:35

And you're the short one and you have big feet and hands.

Nicole: 10:37

Exactly. Like what is, what is nature?

Arabella: 10:39

What? What?

Nicole: 10:41

What?

Arabella: 10:43

How?

Nicole: 10:45

How?

Arabella: 10:47

Just what?

Nicole: 10:49

Why? I'm so small and my feet are so big, and my hands are so big, and my butt is so big, and my boobs are so big and my hips are so big. Couldn't I have just been tall? Please, for love, please? No?

Arabella: 10:52

No.

Nicole: 10:54

Okay.

Arabella: 10:56

No.

Nicole: 10:58

So, I get to look like a cupcake.

Arabella: 11:00

But a very cute cupcake.

Nicole: 11:02

With really big feet.(Nicole Wheezes a laugh along with Arabella)

Arabella: 11:05

I don't know why it made me think of Mickey Mouse

Nicole: 11:07

Yeah, accurate. Although he could have given me, he could have to any of those high heels I've been wearing these last few days.

Arabella: 11:09

That´s true.

Nicole: 11:11

Trying to make an impression and get myself out of shit.

Arabella: 11:13

(Arabella makes a weird noise) But maybe they wouldn't go with the dress.

Nicole: 11:16

No, they absolutely wouldn't have.“What were you going to wear on your feet otherwise?”“You knew my shoe size as well?” I asked, a little embarrassed.“Now I do”, he said. “I had to check with Bella of course”. I nodded. “Okay...Thank you, Mr. Solomon”. That makes sense.

Arabella: 11:23

That makes sense. That's why they had to tell me what it was, what was happening

Nicole: 11:25

Yeah, it all makes sense now.

Arabella: 11:27

There we go.

Nicole: 11:29

But I always I like to feel like the inferior one, don't I? I'm like, “oh, everyone's keeping me out of stuff” -

Arabella: 11:32

Yeah.

Nicole: 11:34

And it's like “it's not what you think, Nicole chill, chill”

Arabella: 11:36

Yeah, to be fair, it's not unreasonable because, let's be honest, if you'd known too far in advance, you would have got up in your head all about it.

Nicole: 11:38

Exactly. That's probably half the reason he didn't say...

Arabella: 11:40

Yeah.

Nicole: 11:42

All of this has happened because I've gotten all up in my head about it.

Arabella: 11:44

Yeah.

Nicole: 11:46

If I had told him about Jason's sleepover immediately, I would never have punched him.

Arabella: 11:48

Yes.

Nicole: 11:50

If I had.(Nicole puffs a laugh) If I had told him about sleeping with Carter, we wouldn't be in this huffy-puffy. “Oh my God, what am I doing?”

Arabella: 11:54

Yes.

Nicole: 11:56

“He's on to me. I'm going to get kicked off the tour,” you know. Idiot

Arabella: 11:58

Exactly. You wouldn't be acting like such a loon.

Nicole: 12:00

Exactly. So, what have we learned so far, guys? If you learn anything from this season, speak.

Arabella: 12:02

Communi-fucking-cation.

Nicole: 12:04

Yes, please. Right… Bella joined me shortly after, completely giddy about the dresses, the makeup and the evening. “But you knew all along,” I reminded her.

Arabella: 12:07

“I knew we were going to the awards, not that we were both getting dresses and makeup and going with The Band.”

Nicole: 12:09

“Ah. Do you know who I'm going with?” I asked “Mike wouldn't tell me.”

Arabella: 12:11

“I have no idea, honestly. They've not given me any details-”

Nicole: 12:13

Why are they being so secretive with us?

Arabella: 12:15

I know right.

Nicole: 12:17

“But you know you’re going with Zander?”

Arabella: 12:19

“Yes, but that much was obvious- “

Nicole: 12:21

“You’re right”. I sighed. “I can’t go with Mike ‘cause he’s married—so is Noah, and Carter is in a long-term relationship—”

Arabella: 12:23

“Which didn’t stop you guys fucking like rabbits-”

Nicole: 12:25

(Nicole makes a noise of awkwardness)“Zander is going with you, so that leaves – I’ve just ignored you(Nicole and Arabella burst out laughing)

Arabella: 12:30

You’re just like “Nah”

Nicole: 12:32

“And Zander is going with you, so that leaves Jay but he hates me now- “ I ignored her intentionally.

Arabella: 12:34

So hard, so hard.“Perhaps you go with Billy. No, he wouldn't get a plus one because he's security and if he has to watch the guys and watch you, that would be hell.”

Nicole: 12:37

Uh-huh.

Arabella: 12:39

“Andrew's married too and hang on, what did you mean by Jay hates you now?”

Nicole: 12:41

(Nicole sucks in a breath through her teeth)“He found out about Carter- “

Arabella: 12:44

“How the fuck did he find out about Carter?”

Nicole: 12:46

“I—uh—he’s so observant, I swear- “ She narrowed her eyes at me.

Arabella: 12:48

“But there’s something else you’re not telling me, right?”

Nicole: 12:50

“He saw me sneak out of Carter’s room this morning- “

Arabella: 12:52

“Nicky!”(Nicole puffs a laugh)“Again? I thought you said it was a one-time thing!”

Nicole: 12:56

“I thought it was, but then Mike wasn't in the mood and-” I'm a twat.

Arabella: 12:59

Not cool, you are a fucking twat.

Nicole: 13:01

(Nicole laughs) I'm a slut.

Arabella: 13:04

Not cool. Yes, you are.

Nicole: 13:06

(Nicole is still laughing) Gosh, that's such an awful excuse. Burn me at the stake. Mike wasn't in the mood, so...(Nicole wheezes another laugh) Wow.

Arabella: 13:11

I'm gonna fuck someone else.

Nicole: 13:13

Geez, give me a… Don't give me a break, unless it's breaking a bone.

Arabella: 13:15

No breaks for you.

Nicole: 13:17

Break bones. No.(Arabella giggles) Oh man, I'm feeling really sad about myself. Okay...

Arabella: 13:21

“Not cool. Shit and now Jay knows—what did he say?”

Nicole: 13:23

“What didn’t he say?” I sighed heavily. “He is so freaking pissed—he almost punctured my arm!”

Arabella: 13:25

“Of course he is. So am I—tell me everything”.

Nicole: 13:27

I recalled the details of my morning with Carter and then the confrontation with Jason.

“You better. I wouldn’t take threats from Jay lightly-“Nicole: 13:30

Oh hell, hell no, you shouldn't.

Arabella: 13:32

Noooo.

Nicole: 13:34

I've seen that man just once get upset because he got a ticket on his car -

Arabella: 13:36

Yes, yes.

Nicole: 13:38

And I was afraid I was like imagine, if that was aimed at you.

Arabella: 13:40

Ooh!

Nicole: 13:42

I mean, it wasn't aimed at anyone, right? He was just screaming at the air, but it was terrifying, terrifying.

Arabella: 13:44

Yeah

Nicole: 13:46

“Okay, I hear you. I told her this morning was terrifying, but worse than that having Jay upset with me causes me physical pain - it sucks.”

Arabella: 13:48

Oh poor baby. No sympathy, none.

Nicole: 13:50

(Nicole puffs a laugh) Wow. Fair. It seems I have taken Jason, I've like in my brain, I've made him my Dom, even though he has not consented to this in any way,

Arabella: 13:54

Yes

Nicole: 13:56

Because apparently my body reacts with physical pain when

Arabella: 13:58

I mean that

Nicole: 14:00

He disapproves of something.

Arabella: 14:02

That. Yes, yes, that makes complete sense, with me, knowing you.

Nicole: 14:04

I mean, this is a new thing for me, honestly, like I've discovered from myself, because I normally brat really hard. But recently,

Arabella: 14:06

Yeahhh

Nicole: 14:08

I've discovered when I truly submit and I then feel like -

Arabella: 14:10

Also you have - you totally have an approval thing - kink.

Nicole: 14:12

Only with… naaa... It's not a praise kink for sure.

Arabella: 14:14

No, no, that's why I said approval.

Nicole: 14:16

Okay but there´s like a… but it depends on the person.

Arabella: 14:18

It's always hurt you really deeply if you think... with the certain... I would say it more, with certain guys in your life.

Nicole: 14:20

Yeah.

Arabella: 14:22

If you think they would be disappointed in you. It physically has always hurted you.

Nicole: 14:24

That's true.

Arabella: 14:26

Yeah.

Nicole: 14:28

Fine.(Nicole puffs a laugh)

Arabella: 14:31

It´s annoying when your best friend points out -

Nicole: 14:33

Yeah. I mean, I suppose I only just I recently realized that myself. That's the difference.

Arabella: 14:35

Yeah.

Nicole: 14:37

And apparently, I write it into... Apparently I wrote this decades ago, so I must have known to some degree.

Arabella: 14:39

“I know it’s hard to use a lot of self-control here, but I really think you need to talk to Mike about your communication with each other—you’re normally so fierce about open communication”.

Nicole: 14:41

“I know”, I agreed, “I’m just so anxious...and horny”.

Arabella: 14:43

“Naturally”.

Nicole: 14:45

Just to emphasize on tour with your favourite band.

Arabella: 14:47

Yeah.

Nicole: 14:49

Hard

Arabella: 14:51

To be fair, so hard

Nicole: 14:53

So hard

Arabella: 14:55

Which is why I did empathize.

Nicole: 14:57

Yeah, you did empathize a little bit.

Arabella: 14:59

I did.

Nicole: 15:01

The girl who came to do our hair and makeup only rubbed some mousse into my already curly hair and blow-dried defined curls into Bella's slightly curly hair.(Nicole laughs) She was like “this is fine.”

Arabella: 15:05

Yeah. On both our eyes she used grey, black and indigo to make our eyes look smoky. We both had very dark red lips. It was pretty, I had to admit. Why wouldn't I admit?(Arabella laughs) I must admit I don't know.

Nicole: 15:13

Being pampered like a girl was great. She also gave us both a manicure and pedicure Black nails for Bella and red for me. Gosh, those are not going to last very long.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 15:18

Well, I think mine are probably looking quite similar to my nails right now.

Nicole: 15:20

Yeah, they look great.

Arabella: 15:22

They´re black, with a slight shimmer of

Nicole: 15:24

Very pretty

Arabella: 15:26

Green glitter.

Nicole: 15:28

Mine, um, if I put anything on my nails or I, it doesn't last very long, because I play guitar. I -

Arabella: 15:30

Yeah

Nicole: 15:32

Do stupid shit with my hands. Um -

I wank way too much to have long nails on my, my skin, on myArabella: 15:36

Oh god, I can't, I can't do long nails, long, long nails. When they start to get too long, I'm like I suddenly can't live my life, and I don't understand

Nicole: 15:38

Exactly, between the instruments

Arabella: 15:40

How people do things with those really long nails, and especially the long nails with the points.

Nicole: 15:42

Exactly no, they obviously don't masturbate. I don’t know.

I have so many questions, so many Like how do they not pokeNicole: 15:45

Doorknobs?(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 15:48

Out their eyes all the time?

Nicole: 15:50

I would, I would be blind within days.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 15:53

Yes, picking things up off tables, just not being able to do that anymore.

Nicole: 15:55

I wouldn’t, I can't concentrate enough to have long nails like that. Plus, between the instruments, my sexuality and my lack of focus. It's just all bad.

Arabella: 15:57

(Arabella giggles) All bad.

Nicole: 16:00

I don’t, shouldn't have them. We “oohed” and “aahed” at each other’s dresses while we changed into them. Bella’s dress was an alternative evening gown. It was plain black and long; the bodice was made up of black flowers that looked like feathers that plunged very low between Bella’s breasts. The feathery flowers created thin sleeves over her shoulders. The gown’s skirt was black chiffon, and Bella wore plain black heels with it.

Arabella & Nicole: 16:04

“You look great”

Nicole: 16:06

We both said at the same time and started giggling.

Arabella: 16:08

Yes. We apparently -

Nicole: 16:10

I read that as edging for a second.

Arabella and Nicole: 16:12

(Both Laugh) Wow.

Nicole: 16:15

Good.

Arabella: 16:17

Going at it super hard.

Nicole: 16:19

So hard. When we went downstairs, I almost fell down the final step into the lobby, after which Jason came to the rescue and exasperatedly asked why I didn't use the fucking elevator.

Arabella: 16:22

He´s got a point.

Nicole: 16:24

I admitted that the lifts freak me out and he said that it's better than having a broken ankle and called me a fucking disaster. Wow.

Arabella: 16:27

Ohhh wow.

Nicole: 16:29

He was still very angry at me and I glanced at Bella with an expression of “see what I have to deal with” on my face. But also, I deserve it.

Arabella: 16:32

Yep. Yes.

Nicole: 16:34

When I properly took in Jason's appearance, my heart skipped several beats. But apparently, I still can't keep it in my fucking pants.

Arabella: 16:37

No.

Nicole: 16:39

He was wearing a black pinstriped suit with a white cotton shirt and a dark red tie. His hair was also straightened and hanging smoothly over his shoulders. Oh no, why straighten it? Okay, it's fine.

Arabella: 16:42

You decided to straighten it.

Nicole: 16:44

Why did I straighten his hair fictionally? That's stupid. Anyway.

Arabella: 16:46

I think because when we originally wrote, it is when he had the sort of short, but slightly long bits and he used to straighten it to make it more spiky.

Nicole: 16:48

To make it ridiculous looking, basically, that's what his plan was.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 16:51

Yes.(Nicole continues laughing) And you just kept it as his hair went longer.

Nicole: 16:55

Okay, well, I guess it's straightened today. Zander looked hot too.

Arabella: 16:58

Yeah he did.

Nicole: 17:00

His chestnut hair was straightened and hung onto his shoulders. For him it makes more sense. He was wearing a black suit with a white silk shirt and a black tie, clearly to match Bella's dress. Zander was gaping at Bella and seemed to search for the right words to say.“You are beautiful” he managed finally. She winked.

Arabella: 17:05

“So are you, Mr. Masters”.

Nicole: 17:07

Wow,(Nicole huffs a laugh) Pride and Prejudice over here.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 17:12

Oh, I know I was like, “Oh yes!”(Arabella giggles)

Nicole: 17:15

They realized the rest of the band, Andrew, Billy, and Reggae, were watching us with their eyebrows raised near the door. Like waiting, hello waiting. As the four of us

Arabella: 17:19

Yeah.(Arabella lets a chuckle escape) Can we move the fuck on?

Nicole: 17:23

We have a schedule here. As the four of us walked over to them, Zander put a black fedora over his hair.(Arabella giggles) As we reached the rest of the band, my confidence took a massive plunge. I don't know why Carter was wearing a black suit with a white shirt. The first two buttons were unbuttoned, and he wasn't wearing a tie. His black hair was slicked back. Noah was wearing a black suit as well with a white shirt and a loose black tie. His hair looked unchanged from how he wore it every day.(Arabella bursts out laughing) He had combed his beard, though, and the silver in it was a little more obvious. Bless.

Arabella: 17:34

Oh.

Nicole: 17:36

Mike was wearing a black suit, a white silk shirt, an emerald tie and his hair was combed back. I did a double take. He was stunning even though the make-up had failed to completely hide his purple eye.(Nicole takes a deep breath)

Arabella: 17:39

(Arabella chuckles) You dick.

Nicole: 17:42

Oh wow. I was staring like a fool at everybody like it was the first time I’d seen them. But, to be fair, it's the first time

Arabella: 17:46

To be fair

Nicole: 17:48

We see them in the flesh, in like formal dress.

Arabella: 17:50

And, exactly which is just (Makes noise of melting)

Nicole: 17:52

A whole ‘nother vibe(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 17:55

A whole ‘nother thing that we would just be like losing our goddamn minds.

Nicole: 17:57

There is something about men and women,(Arabela makes a noise of agreement) but men dressed in formal dress when they are very alternative looking. You know what I mean?

Arabella: 18:01

Yeah.

Nicole: 18:03

Like tattoos and piercings, but then a suit. Ohhhhh!

Arabella: 18:05

Ohhhhh!

Nicole: 18:07

I don't know, I don't know why, but it gets me.(Nicole laughs)

But it gets me too, like daaammnnnNicole: 18:11

So hard. And this is what's happening right here. So, we're like “uh, concentration, please”.

Arabella: 18:14

Yes

Nicole: 18:16

Andrew and Billy also looked brilliant in dark green suits.“You ladies look good”, Mike smiled, then frowned as Bella and I burst out laughing, glancing at each other. “What?”

Arabella: 18:19

“Ladies, I've not been called a lady in a long time.”

Nicole: 18:21

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called a lady-” That's a definite lie.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 18:25

So much, like we do get called ladies.

Nicole: 18:27

We've both been called ladies before, but then we do laugh in their faces.(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 18:30

We do

Nicole: 18:32

It normally

Arabella: 18:34

But not because they

Nicole: 18:36

Go on

Arabella: 18:38

Yeah, it's not that we don't ever get called that because we do.

Nicole: 18:40

No

Arabella: 18:42

It's quite nice every now and again

Nicole: 18:44

We are called, we actually are called ladies quite a lot, but every time I'm a bit like ugh and every time I laugh because I just don't feel like one.

Arabella: 18:46

Yeah

Nicole: 18:48

I don't know why

Arabella: 18:50

And then I giggle a lot because it's funny. Her, her reaction's just hilarious.

Nicole: 18:52

I do actually have some insight on this. I think it might be South Africa, because normally I think it's because of Afrikaans, because we Afrikaans in English culture, like, if that makes sense.

Arabella: 18:54

Yeah

Nicole: 18:56

Like you know, in the streets and stuff. Because normally you get called a lady when it's not done with a lot of respect. Do you know what I mean? So, like you've parked, like shit.

Arabella: 18:58

Ohhh

Nicole: 19:00

And the go “lady, what are you doing?”

Arabella: 19:02

Hmm.

Nicole: 19:03

You know what I mean?

Arabella: 19:05

Okay

Nicole: 19:07

So, I think when someone calls me a lady. I just don't love it.

Arabella: 19:09

Yeah, whereas

Nicole: 19:11

So, I always laugh or make a joke, or yeah.

Arabella: 19:13

Yeah. Which is, I'm fine with it. I don't. It doesn't do anything to me; I just find your reactions hilarious.

Nicole: 19:15

Yah. Always.

Arabella: 19:17

Which is why I laugh,

Nicole: 19:19

Because I'm always very dramatic. Anyway, hence

Arabella: 19:21

Yes

Nicole: 19:23

Hence me over-exaggerating this moment.

Arabella: 19:25

Yes

Nicole: 19:27

“We need to go”, Andrew announced. Bella and I trailed after the band through the exit out of the hotel. Outside the hotel stood a black limousine, idling.“Looking good, girls”, driver-Mike called from the driving seat as we passed him to get into the limousine. Bless him, he doesn't just drive buses, he also drives limousines

Arabella: 19:31

No, those limousines

Nicole: 19:33

Good boy.

Arabella: 19:35

Because they wouldn't have hired one,

Nicole: 19:37

No sure.

Arabella: 19:39

With a driver.

Nicole: 19:41

Yeah

Arabella: 19:43

Yeah okay

Nicole: 19:45

I sort of tripped/slid into the limousine on Carter’s left.(Arabella chuckles) Noah was on Carter’s right. Directly across from me sat Zander and Bella, Mike was on his left and Jason next to Bella. To my surprise, Andrew slid into the limousine on my left seconds before Mike took off. I suspect it was still Mike driving. Genius observation skills.

Arabella: 19:50

So many Mikes in this.

Nicole: 19:52

So many fucking Mikes.“Hey, Andrew”, I smiled.“Lo”.“Are you guys nominated for anything?” I asked after a couple beats of silence. They laughed.“You two would know if we were nominated for anything”, Noah smiled, “like you don’t fucking stalk our social media profiles”. I almost said “meat profiles”. Social meat profiles.(Nicole laughs)

Social meat profiles: 20:01

throwing your meat about.

Nicole: 20:03

If the band were to ever make an Only Fans(Nicole laughs loudly as Arabella fights of a breath to respond)

Arabella: 20:06

Yes

Nicole: 20:08

We would support that shit so hard, just so you know.

Arabella: 20:10

Really would.

Nicole: 20:12

Anyway.“You two would know if we were nominated for anything”, Noah smiled, “like you don’t fucking stalk our social media profiles”. Bella and I stared at him in mock shock.“We do not”

Arabella: 20:17

“We do not”

Nicole: 20:19

We both said at the same time. (Apparently not)“We were just invited because the label has a lot of acts nominated tonight”, Andrew clued us in. “That’s why you didn’t know—it’s not public information”.“You mean, you weren’t even nominated?” I asked, looking around at the band. “That’s lame, you should’ve been”.(Nicole laughs) What a little moose I am.(Arabella giggles) Sure the European Music Awards are suddenly giving out awards for metal. One,

Arabella: 20:27

Yeah.

Nicole: 20:29

And well, I suppose it isn't completely unheard of, but it's rare.

Arabella: 20:31

No, yeah.

Nicole: 20:33

They laughed again. The band really looked amazing. I looked around at them all, feeling lightheaded by the sheer luck of it all, especially Jason.

Arabella: 20:35

Yep.

Nicole: 20:37

I wished he wasn't angry with me. I wish I had behaved better. I wish I wasn't

Arabella: 20:40

Yes.

Nicole: 20:42

Such a poopy head.(Nicole chuckles breathily)

Arabella: 20:45

Yes, you twatty, twatty little twat.

Nicole: 20:47

“Nicole?” I came out of my daze, realising Mike was speaking to me.“Yeah?” I swallowed uncomfortably.“You’re doing it again”, he pointed out.“It?” I asked, feigning ignorance. “What are you referring to?”“Staring at Jay”, he said, “in that freaky way of yours”. Everyone laughed(Arabella laughs) And I blushed crimson. “Sorry”, I said, “but you all look so good.”

Arabella: 20:57

“Yeah, give us a break! You look like Gods!”

Nicole: 20:59

They laughed even louder. I mean, we are great for their confidence. Not that they need it, but

Arabella: 21:02

No, no, but, you know.

Nicole: 21:04

They should call us band-aids, not groupies.

Arabella: 21:06

Ooh, yeah

Nicole: 21:08

We're here for psychological help.(Nicole laughs) Not me, I just fuck shit up.

Arabella: 21:12

Yeah

Nicole: 21:14

Ah…not…It's good

Arabella: 21:16

And fuck shit

Nicole: 21:18

Yeah. Oh what, what does Buck Cherry say? What does Buck Cherry say?“Yeah, she's a crazy bitch, but she fucks so good, so it's okay.”(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 21:22

Yep

Nicole: 21:24

I paraphrase but that's kind of what they say.(Arabella and Nicole laugh)

Arabella: 21:27

God, I'd forgotten about that song.

Nicole: 21:29

Yeah. (Singing)“Hey, you're a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it, I'm doing you all night. Scratches down my back to keep me right on” - something like that.(Arabella attempts to sing along but ends up just mumbling a lot as she can’t remember it) They laughed even louder. Because obviously we're laying it on thick. I mean, I'm sure they do.

Arabella: 21:35

Oh yeah

Nicole: 21:37

But you know

Arabella: 21:39

Yeah

Nicole: 21:41

If you tell anyone they look like a god, they can't just be like yeah, I do.

Arabella: 21:43

They're like yeah,

Nicole: 21:45

Yeah, maybe Zander would. Zander would be like, oh yeah

Arabella: 21:47

I'll be your god.(Nicole chuckles) Hooooo! That just

Nicole: 21:51

That hit the spot, for you, did it? You did it yourself.(Nicole laughs)(Theme music plays signalling a break) After another couple of minutes of Andrew and the band talking about what the fans and press might be like, Zander fished in his pocket and handed Bella a silver box.

Arabella: 21:57

“What’s this?”

Nicole: 21:59

She asked, surprised, staring at the little box in her hand.“Open it and find out”. We all watched her as she opened the little box to find a pair of diamond and ruby chandelier earrings.(Nicole gasps) Dude!

Arabella: 22:04

Daaaaaamn !

That would have been your reaction: 22:06

Daaaaaaaaamn!(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 22:09

Daaaaaamn

She's: 22:11

lady gone, lady out.(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 22:14

Yeah.

Nicole: 22:16

She stared at them, unable to say anything because I was sure she was about to start crying.“Wow”, Andrew said. “They’re gorgeous. Where did you get those, Zander?”“I asked the hotel to order them from a catalogue in the lobby”, Zander said to Andrew, then to Bella, “do you like them?” She looked up, coming back to reality.

Arabella: 22:21

“Of course, yeah...thank you...wow, that’s...just...they’re amazing”.

Nicole: 22:23

Oh, bless you. Having a hard time.(Arabella mock stutters) Zander laughed appreciatively at her reaction.“Do you need my help putting them on?” I offered.

Arabella: 22:28

“Yes, please”,

Nicole: 22:30

She said and moved closer to me. She was facing me so only I could see her face.

Arabella: 22:32

“Oh my God”

Nicole: 22:34

She mouthed. I grinned at her and helped her put the earrings in her ears. They looked amazing, completed the outfit perfectly. Wow, I love how these guys just know.

Arabella: 22:37

They're on it. They´re hot on it.

Nicole: 22:38

But to be fair, can we all just get rid of that fucking stereotype that men don't know how to do these things? Of course they do.

Arabella: 22:40

Exactly!

They know how to match colours. They know how to: 22:42

Which earrings go with the thing.

Arabella: 22:44

Well, some do, some do, some not.

Nicole: 22:46

But we should stop being so fucking surprised. I think.

Arabella: 22:48

Yeah

Nicole: 22:50

It just continues a stereotype that's harmful.

Arabella: 22:52

Yes

Nicole: 22:54

They looked amazing, completed the outfit perfectly. I would tell Bella later, but I felt a little hurt that she got - jewlery… jewller. Wow.

Arabella: 22:57

Jewellery, he-he!

Nicole: 22:59

I would tell Bella later, but I felt a little hurt that she got jewellery, like a girlfriend, when I got shushed when Mike's wife called. I really need to get over my shit, it seems.

Arabella: 23:02

Oh, baby

Nicole: 23:04

I forget what I'm here for.

Arabella: 23:06

You have no legs to stand on

Nicole: 23:08

Apparently, I want jewellery now.(Nicole wheezes a laugh)

Arabella: 23:11

Yes

Nicole: 23:13

I don´t - Honestly, this is bullshit.

Arabella: 23:15

Who knew? Yeah because

Nicole: 23:17

I definitely don't. Between... I know you like to be romanced that way

Arabella: 23:19

I do.

Nicole: 23:21

Like this is very much about a Bella thing.

Arabella: 23:23

I like to be romanced.

Nicole: 23:25

Like, yeah, I might feel a little bit like “Aww, I would have liked some jewellery,” but actually it's not true, because I much rather have his attention in a different way. I'd much rather he fuck me in this limousine

Arabella: 23:28

I think it's not so much about the jewellery, it's more about the fact that I am getting this sort of affection

Nicole: 23:30

Mmm.

Arabella: 23:32

While you're getting shushed because his wife called and so you're a little bit butthurt, but you know it's not rational.

Nicole: 23:34

No

Arabella: 23:36

It's not a rational feeling

Nicole: 23:38

At all.

Arabella: 23:40

And you know that. I think it's just a human feeling to be like, oh -

Nicole: 23:42

Yeah

Arabella: 23:44

And plus, you want to always be completely adored

Nicole: 23:46

Yeah. That is one, that is a not-so-great trait that I have. I mean, it can be. It depends on how I manage it.

Arabella: 23:48

Yeah, yeah.

Nicole: 23:50

But that's true.

Arabella: 23:52

I have a thing. I like to be adored too.

Nicole: 23:54

I love being adored, but I'd rather have that energy in a different way

Arabella: 23:56

Yeah, exactly.

Nicole: 23:58

Than getting jewellery and stuff.

Arabella: 24:00

But, like I said, it's not about the jewellery,

Nicole: 24:02

It's not.

Arabella: 24:04

It's about that sort of affection.

Nicole: 24:06

It's about me needing to suck it the fuck up. Tell him the honest truth, lay it on the table

Arabella: 24:08

Yeah

Nicole: 24:10

And do the thing,

Arabella: 24:12

It's also about the adoration.

Nicole: 24:14

Yeah, but he'd have an easier time adoring me if I told him the fucking truth

Arabella: 24:16

Yes, if you were clear, open, honest communication

Nicole: 24:18

Exactly. That, first of all, and of course he's going to shush me when he's trying to speak to someone on the phone.

Arabella: 24:20

Yeah

Nicole: 24:22

I think you would have shushed me, no matter who called, because I was freaking, talking.

Arabella: 24:24

Yes

Nicole: 24:26

Loudly.

Arabella: 24:28

Yeah

In fact, anyone who ever answers a phone normally shushes me when I'm there. Arabella: 24:31

Yes, yes, we do. We go “Nicole, shush!”(Nicole laughs)

Nicole: 24:34

“I’ve been meaning to ask”, I said, “how are you going to handle the press concerning me?”“Like we handled it at the shoot”, Mike replied. “You’re a friend of Andrew’s. You met at Sonisphere…”“That’s all fine and dandy, but why am I on the tour with you?”“’Cause you’re helping Andrew with promotion”. I laughed. “Okay…” Because it's a... Somehow, we ended up getting the same lie, which is very cool.

Arabella: 24:41

Well, no, I think they will have chosen the lie, because you already made the lie.

Nicole: 24:43

Are they aware of it?

Arabella: 24:45

Yes, because you told them.

Nicole: 24:47

Did I, when?

Arabella: 24:49

Yes.

Nicole: 24:51

When did I…?

Arabella: 24:53

Yes, you did. Sort of very early on, you said that

Nicole: 24:55

Oh, I told them I was on the tour for promotion. That's right, that's right, okay, you're right, okay. So, let's just go there.

Arabella: 24:57

So, they've got to carry on with the lie that you told.

Nicole: 24:59

Yeah, that´s right.“That’s all fine and dandy, but why am I on the tour with you?”“’Cause you’re helping Andrew with promotion”. I laughed. “Okay...”“Why’s that funny?”“No one’s going to believe I’m on tour with you guys and not...well, you know”. Mike sighed, annoyed. “Let them believe what they want to believe...as long as it doesn’t involve me fucking you- ““So, I take it you’re escorting me, Andrew?”“Uh, no-honey”, he smiled. “I believe that’s Jay’s job”.“Jay?” I asked, but no sound came out as I turned my head to look at him. He flashed a smile. My spine tingled and I felt that glow begin. Wait

Arabella: 25:13

Down Betsie!

Nicole: 25:15

That's it. Yeah, down, Betsie! Stay in your cage.(Arabella laughs)“Wait”, I complained. “That doesn’t make bloody sense! Why am I mates with Andrew, but Jay’s escorting me?”“Cause Andrew doesn’t have time to deal with your shit”, Mike said. Hmm,

Arabella: 25:21

It's fair.

Nicole: 25:23

“Hang on, hang on!” It's fair, but I'm gonna apparently keep pushing.

Arabella: 25:26

Yes, because you're, you.

Nicole: 25:28

“Hang on, hang on!” I said, sitting forward in my seat. “Why Jay then? Why not Noah?”“For one, he’s the only one not married or in a relationship-“ Zander explained, “and because chances are the press will guess you’re fucking him and that’s not exactly seriously saucy news- ““This just in on Good morning, America, Jason Shanahan is banging another random woman—” Jason said, pretending to be a news anchor. “This is very boring and very common- ““Uh-okay, geez…(Arabella snorts a laugh) but it could be anyone then-“I moaned. “Why not Noah?” Noah cleared his throat. “And married, remember?” Jason laughed loudly. “’Cause no one’s going to believe Noah’s fucking anything-well, at least not anything with a pulse…”

Arabella: 25:37

(Nicole laughs) Damn!

Nicole: 25:40

Poor Noah, leave him alone.

Arabella: 25:42

Low blows.

Nicole: 25:44

Everyone laughed and I scowled at them. “That’s mean...his wife clearly does and so would I”. They laughed even louder,(Arabella laughs) even Noah that time. Fair, he's used to it now.

Arabella: 25:50

Yeah

Nicole: 25:52

Mike crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows at me.“I’m not going to”, I clarified, “I’m just saying I would”.

Arabella: 25:55

No

Nicole: 25:57

Mike sighed. “Jay volunteered...”

Arabella: 25:59

But the “I'm not going to” I don't believe either,(Nicole laughs) To be fair

Nicole: 26:03

Yeah, we'll see.

Arabella: 26:05

One down, three to go

Nicole: 26:07

Bella.(Nicole chuckles) Stop. Mike sighed. “Jay volunteered...” My nipples were starting to show through my dress - Which is pretty intense considering it's a corset.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 26:15

Exactly, I was about to say the same thing. That´s, that´s...

Nicole: 26:17

Fine

Arabella: 26:19

Yeah

Nicole: 26:21

Good And I crossed my arms, self-consciously over them. “But I thought you hated the idea of me spending time with Jay?”“Do you have a problem going with Jay?” Mike asked, starting to get suspicious about my defensiveness.“Uh- “

Arabella: 26:26

Mmhmm

Nicole: 26:28

Jason smiled at me sinisterly from next to Mike.“No-it’s just that-“I searched randomly for an excuse in my head because ‘he’s pissed at me for sleeping with Carter’ was not going to go down well in the limo.

Arabella: 26:31

No, no it would not.

Nicole: 26:33

Plus, I’m pretty sure that there’s a wet patch on the back of my dress from just thinking about being that close to him.

Arabella: 26:35

Oh god, and in silk, that would show.

Nicole: 26:37

Oooooh, oh gosh, this is a terrible idea.

Arabella: 26:39

I mean satin

Nicole: 26:41

Yeah

Arabella: 26:43

This is awful

Nicole: 26:45

This is, oh gosh, I hope my underwear is thick. I hope I'm wearing, like some good, tights and all sorts.

Arabella: 26:47

Well, actually thinking about it you're, you've got under things to make the dress,

Nicole: 26:49

Dress poof

Arabella: 26:51

Stick out a bit more.

Nicole: 26:53

Yeah.

Arabella: 26:55

Now, hopefully it will be on that, on your bum roll. The bum roll, that's what it's called!

Nicole: 26:57

Yeah, exactly,“I can’t go with Jay”, I said quickly. “Because—why do I have to go with anyone?”(Nicole wheezes and Arabella laughs)“Are you serious”, Zander asked. “You can’t just walk down the red carpet by yourself—you are a plus one”.“Right—that’s fair”, I said, “why not Carter then?”(Arabella chuckles)“I just said goddammit—he’s in a long term- “Mike started.“But he cheated on his girlfriend before so it would be- “

Arabella: 27:06

Oh my God

Nicole: 27:08

Ah!

Arabella: 27:10

Nicky!

Nicole: 27:12

Fuck's sake, man,

Arabella: 27:14

Nicky!

Nicole: 27:16

Jeez! Can I just throw myself out the limo and be done with it?

Arabella: 27:18

Yeah, just kill you right now.

Nicole: 27:20

Wow.

Arabella: 27:22

Wow.

Nicole: 27:24

I mean, that was implied, but apparently you actually saying the word was worahhhh (Noise of incredulity) My fucking ass, it, it, nah! Why?

Arabella: 27:27

Stop fucking digging.

Nicole: 27:29

Ahhhhhh jeez, like I just cannot. This was, this is me overshooting my mouth. Like, I don't actually believe this.

Arabella: 27:30

Yeah.

Nicole: 27:32

This is just me being an awful idiot,

Arabella: 27:34

This is in panic

Nicole: 27:36

Yeah

Arabella: 27:38

This is in panic mode

Nicole: 27:40

Damn it, gosh darn.“Are you trying to piss me off?” Carter asked, offended. As he should be, because that was

Arabella: 27:44

Yes

Nicole: 27:46

(Gasps) There's a rule about a very hard limit about not bringing up partners or girlfriends.

Arabella: 27:49

Partners, yes!

Nicole: 27:51

Indiscretions, and here I am

Arabella: 27:53

Shitting all over the place

Nicole: 27:55

At least it's in the privacy of the limo though, but whoo!

Arabella: 27:57

Yes

Nicole: 27:59

“Are you trying to piss me off?” Carter asked, offended.

Arabella: 28:01

“Nicky, come on”

Nicole: 28:03

Bella cringed. “Okay, that was a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry”.“Why do you not want to go with me?” Jason asked, smiling.“I’m really not the type of girl you’d have on your arm ever—” Wow, clutching at straws, clutchin’ clutching so hard,

Arabella: 28:08

Really, really hard.

Nicole: 28:10

“I’m really not the type of girl you’d have on your arm ever—” I said honestly. It was true even though that wasn’t the real reason I felt uncomfortable.

Arabella: 28:13

And it´s not true

Nicole: 28:15

It's not true. Thanks, that's aww. Thank you.

Arabella: 28:17

You're welcome.

Nicole: 28:19

“I mean you were engaged to Leila Davidson - ““Married”, he corrected.“Really?”

Arabella: 28:23

Once again breaking that hard limit of not talking about girlfriends and things.

Nicole: 28:25

I'm just on a fucking roll.

Arabella: 28:27

You, you really are.

Nicole: 28:29

This is going to end with me being strangled,

Arabella: 28:31

Yeah

Nicole: 28:33

And it'll be completely my fault,

Arabella: 28:35

And rightfully so.

Nicole: 28:37

Yeah

Arabella: 28:39

I may do it -

Nicole: 28:41

“In our-” What?

Arabella: 28:44

Just to shut, I may do it. Just to shut you up.

Nicole: 28:46

Thanks, don't like kill me, just like choke me out ´til I fall sleep.

Arabella: 28:48

That, that was my plan.

Nicole: 28:50

Oh good, thank you. I appreciate you.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 28:53

Yeah. I know. I got your back.

Nicole: 28:55

Good.“Really?”“In our own way”, he answered stiffly. “I’m not going to talk about that now”.“Jay’s doing you a favour”, Mike said, starting to get angry. “You can stay in the fucking limo for four hours if you’re going to be unreasonable- ““No, I´ll, I’ll make an effort- ““I don’t know what’s going on between you two suddenly”, Mike declared, “but you better pretend you can stand each other in public- ““You know I don’t have a problem with Jay”, I told everyone, “It’s Jay who...” Jason scowled at me, and I cowered in my seat, feeling the glow intensify. “…no, it’s fine, I’ll smile and wave like a normal person- “

Arabella: 29:03

“Normal person, sure”

Nicole: 29:05

Bella laughed. I laughed as well. “You know what I mean”.“I wish you could go with Carter”, Mike said, absent-mindedly. “At least I know the two of you won’t fuck”. Ohhhhhh Lordy.(Arabella gasps) Carter coughed and I started laughing in a freaky high-pitched way that scared even me.(Arabella laughs) Poor Andrew jumped in his seat.(Nicole chuckles) He was like “the fuck is that?” Zander, Noah and Mike stared at me in annoyance and Jason covered his mouth to laugh a little. Bella stared at me in horror. He's like she's going to be her own undoing.

Arabella: 29:19

Yes

Nicole: 29:21

He's going to have to say nothing because he's like, yep, she's just unravelling, all in front of us.

Arabella: 29:23

Yeah

Nicole: 29:25

Bella stared at me in horror.

Arabella: 29:27

“Are you crazy?”

Nicole: 29:29

She mouthed. “What are the chances!” I covered quickly. “You’d be so lucky”.(Nicole scoffs) Carter did a good bit of acting that was very convincing.(Arabella scoffs)“So can everyone be friends now?”

Arabella: 29:35

Unlike you

Nicole: 29:37

Huh

Arabella: 29:39

Unlike you

Nicole: 29:41

Unlike me. If Mike didn't know before, he's now suspicious as fuck.

Arabella: 29:44

He's got to be so suspicious now.

Nicole: 29:46

Yeah, well, done me. This is the thing. I don't need to lie. I do need to communicate well, but when I don't, it unravels real fast and people know real well, because I'm bad at it.

Arabella: 29:48

Yeah

Nicole: 29:50

I'm bad at it, for an actor. But when I have to be myself,

Arabella: 29:52

You are terrible at this.

Nicole: 29:54

I cannot. I can't lie as myself. I can be a character,

Arabella: 29:56

Yeah.

Nicole: 29:58

But not in real life,

Arabella: 30:00

But you are a horrible liar.

Nicole: 30:02

I feel like it´s not, none of us are very convincing.

Arabella: 30:04

No. You guys

Nicole: 30:06

I feel like Mike actually knows, and he's just waiting for me to actually tell him. Right

Arabella: 30:12

Yeah, should have seen it. It was right there in front of me. They did not hide that well.

Nicole: 30:14

No

Arabella: 30:16

How did I not see this?

Nicole: 30:18

I honestly have a feeling he does, Because I carry all my things on my face. It's really hard and I can't, I'm bad,

Arabella: 30:20

You do.

Nicole: 30:22

I'm bad at hiding things.

Arabella: 30:24

You are terrible at lying. How are you still here?

Nicole: 30:26

I don't know. Mike has to like me a lot,

Arabella: 30:28

Yeah

Nicole: 30:30

Because I just keep shitting on everything. Like I would have kicked myself off the. To be honest, to be fair, I'm leaving. I'm packing my shit.

Arabella: 30:32

I should put you in a timeout

Nicole: 30:34

And I'm going(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 30:37

I should be putting you in a timeout.

Nicole: 30:39

Yeah, you really should.

Arabella: 30:41

A big, hard timeout.

Nicole: 30:43

At least he's not bored. And he did say when we first asked me to come on the tour, he was like you know, didn't want to be bored and he fucking isn't.

Arabella: 30:45

No, doesn't have time to be bored,

Nicole: 30:47

No(Nicole laughs) Sorry

Arabella: 30:51

No fucking time

Nicole: 30:53

“So can everyone be friends now?” I asked, looking around at them all, “or should I tattoo whore on my forehead?” Oh, fuck my life.(Arabella bursts out laughing)

Bella and the band roared with laughter and Andrew said: 30:56

“Oh for fuck’s Sake, Dear God, why?”.(Arabella continues to laugh and Nicole joins in) I was surprised that he still found it embarrassing to be around the band after so many years.

I don't think it's about being around the band. I think it's about being around you. Nicole: 31:01

Yeah, I think I am the problem.

Arabella: 31:03

Yes(Arabella laughs)

Nicole: 31:06

To my surprise,

Arabella: 31:08

The band is used to

Nicole: 31:10

Yeah

Arabella: 31:12

You

Nicole: 31:14

Yeah

Arabella: 31:16

Are something else entirely.

Nicole: 31:18

I suppose it also has a little bit to do with the band are a bunch of adult men that you expect this shit from.

Arabella: 31:20

Yeah

Nicole: 31:22

But then I show up all adorable and cute and I'm like “should I tattoo horror on my forehead?”

Arabella: 31:24

Yeah

Nicole: 31:26

And they're just, it's just so unexpected.(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 31:29

Well, this tiny tornado in his world.

Nicole: 31:31

That is the one. To my surprise, Mike grabbed my arm and pulled me onto his lap, crushing me to his chest in a tight hug. I should say call myself a whore more often, apparently.

Arabella: 31:35

Yes, you're getting the affection.

Nicole: 31:37

Yeah.“Watch out”, I said, but I couldn’t help smiling. “You’re going to ruin my hair”.(Nicole and Arabella laugh)“Fuck your hair”

Arabella: 31:42

That's the most girly shit you've ever said,

Nicole: 31:44

Exactly, because I don't think I give a shit like ruin my hair, it's fine.

Arabella: 31:46

No

Nicole: 31:48

Fuck your hair, he chuckled

Arabella: 31:50

Please ruin my hair.

Nicole: 31:52

Exactly.“Fuck your hair”, he chuckled.“Thanks”. Mike let go of me after a while and I reluctantly returned to my seat.“You’re so funny sometimes”, Noah commented.

Arabella: 31:58

“Sometimes?”

Nicole: 32:00

Bella asked, pulling at her dress.“Yeah”, Noah said. “Other times-it’s just like-what the fuck is she talking about?”(Both laugh) Which I think that was a bit of a blur between the two.

Arabella: 32:05

Yeah.

Nicole: 32:07

Everyone laughed and I blushed some more.“Luckily your idiocy makes for some delicious moments”, Carter smiled. I glanced at Andrew who looked distraught.“Sorry, Andrew”, I said. “I keep forgetting you’re here”.(Nicole chuckles and Arabella snorts a laugh) He just shook his head, but he was holding onto himself in protection. He's like -

Arabella: 32:15

(Arabella laughs) He's just like ”Oh dear God. What is happening?”

Nicole: 32:18

And my mobile rung. One of the band’s songs was the ringtone.(Arabella laughs) They laughed again. They could clearly see how crazy I was about them- We, we were about them –

Arabella: 32:23

We

Nicole: 32:25

Not that they didn’t know that already.

Arabella: 32:27

It’s true

Nicole: 32:29

“It’s better than Barbie Girl”, I said, digging in my black clutch bag for my mobile.“Screw you”, Mike said, smiling. I actually I adore the fact that his ringtone was Barbie Girl. I fucking love that

Arabella: 32:33

Same

Nicole: 32:35

It´s brilliant.

Arabella: 32:37

Same

Nicole: 32:39

Um, I pulled my mobile out. The ringtone still the loudest thing in the limousine and getting louder. Mike's voice had started filling the space as well. “Fucking answer the thing”, Mike snapped.“No”, I said, turning my mobile off. “It’s work—I’ll deal with it later”. Bella frowned.

Arabella: 32:44

“Did you not tell your students that you’re leaving the country?”

Nicole: 32:46

“No, but I made myself unavailable on my calendar”,(Nicole huffs into laughter followed by Arabella)“What do you teach?” Noah asked curiously. And worriedly, probably a little bit

Arabella: 32:51

Yes

Nicole: 32:53

What do you teach? How old are they?

Arabella: 32:55

What are you teaching? Are you sure it's okay that you´re a teacher?(Nicole puffs a laugh)

Nicole: 32:58

I'm actually a very good teacher everybody. Just so you know

Arabella: 33:00

You are, you are.

Nicole: 33:02

I can, I can, I can. I can actually separate things pretty well.

Arabella: 33:04

Yes.

Nicole: 33:06

“Professional English”, I answered, “but it’s a boring conversation for a limousine”. Ten minutes later, the limousine stopped.“It’s time”, Jason said and held out his hand to me. “See you dudes on the other side”.(Nicole chuckles) Unbelievable.

Arabella: 33:12

I like the fact that it's a boring conversation for a limousine, but if you're having it in a park it would be a wild conversation.(Nicole wheezes a laugh)

Nicole: 33:15

Wild. To be fair. Look, it's me speaking. I can make it wild.

Arabella: 33:17

You can.

Nicole: 33:19

You know I can.

Arabella: 33:21

You would go on a monologue that would go on many directions.

Nicole: 33:23

Exactly. Mike and Carter put on sunglasses, although it was already very dark outside.(Arabella snorts a laugh) Jason smiled at the other guys and Bella and pulled me out of my seat. Hunched, we walked to the door. He must be hunching like a motherfucker.(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 33:30

Yes

Nicole: 33:32

Six foot six(Nicole chuckles) He's like

Arabella: 33:36

Probably crawling out.

Nicole: 33:38

Crawling on his hands and knees.

Arabella: 33:40

Yes.

Nicole: 33:42

Mike opened it for us and Jason climbed out, pulling me after him into the whirlwind of flashes and screams. I must’ve looked terrified, because Jason bent his head to my ear-level. “Are you okay?” I nodded silently.

Arabella: 33:45

No. You are not

Nicole: 33:47

I´m not okay.

Arabella: 33:49

You are not okay.

Nicole: 33:51

Not okay; this is very overwhelming.

Arabella: 33:53

Yeah

Nicole: 33:55

We stood there for a couple of minutes while the cameras flashed, and the fans screamed. A song started playing from speakers set up at sections between the silver poles. I recognised it as “The Girl all the Bad Guys want”.

YeeeesssssNicole: 33:58

You remember?

Arabella: 34:00

Oh yeah

Nicole: 34:02

We can go into the story a little bit, or it's literally written in a paragraph right here.

Arabella: 34:04

I think we carry on.

Nicole: 34:06

So, my friends at uni, actually, said it was my song because I was that girl they were singing about. I was fatally attracted to bad guys, and they were always attracted to me for some odd reason.

Arabella: 34:08

Me too.

Nicole: 34:10

And I love how I'm using the past tense.

Arabella: 34:12

Yes, yes, it was very much my song too.

Nicole: 34:14

Yeah. I say it's mine, but like it was all of us. We all attracted the... everyone, to be fair. For a second, there I was about to go we attracted a lot of the jocks as well, the ones who were like, oh no, no, these weird alternative girls, and secretly they wanted it.

Arabella: 34:17

Really?

Nicole: 34:19

Why do you think I smacked Josh through the face that night?

Arabella: 34:21

This is true

Nicole: 34:23

This he was being absolutely -

Arabella: 34:25

Well then you, you attracted -

Nicole: 34:27

No.

Arabella: 34:29

You don't know why you slapped him. You don't know why you slapped him across the -

Nicole: 34:31

I don't exactly remember, but I know I don't just slap people, so he must have.

Arabella: 34:33

No, no. There will have been a reason

Nicole: 34:35

And the fact that he came to apologize to me for being inappropriate,

Arabella: 34:37

Yeah

Nicole: 34:39

Made me think he tried it on and I...

Arabella: 34:41

Yeah, or made a really bad joke

Nicole: 34:43

Or that. Either way.

Arabella: 34:45

Yeah, yeah

Nicole: 34:47

Anyway, point being, we very, we very often - Bella and I especially attract “red flag” men, you should stay far, far away from.

Arabella: 34:49

So many, yeah.

Nicole: 34:51

But in this case, we're doing, we're saying it a little bit tongue-in-cheek, because when we say bad guys,

Arabella: 34:53

Yeah

Nicole: 34:55

We don't actually mean bad

Arabella: 34:57

No

Nicole: 34:59

We mean awesome alternative metal heads with an edge. That's what we mean,

Arabella: 35:01

Yes. Which we love.

Nicole: 35:03

Yeah, so(Singing) “She's watching wrestling-”

Arabella: 35:06

As this pod, as by this podcast can tell, you can tell we like the big, tattooed men,

Nicole: 35:08

We do. Don't even have to be that big to be fair. Noah isn't.

Arabella: 35:10

No, I prefer them to be a little bit taller.

Nicole: 35:12

Yeah, but that's because you're tall.

Arabella: 35:14

Then again, I have a size thing

Nicole: 35:16

I am a fairy and

Arabella: 35:18

And I’m fairly

Nicole: 35:20

I am a fairy.

Arabella: 35:22

You are a teeny, weeny creature.

Nicole: 35:24

There we go

Arabella: 35:26

That could fit in my pocket.

Nicole: 35:28

Finn one of our friends’ partners calls me a peepsicle. It's like a people, but a small thing.(Arabella laughs) Yes, a peepsicle.

Arabella: 35:33

You´re our peepsicle. Yeah, you are a peepsicle.

Nicole: 35:35

“She’s watching wrestling, creaming over tough guys...” (Nicole sings)(Nicole laughs)

I mentioned it to Jason, who smiled and said: 35:37

“Oh, yeah...I can see that”.“She’s the girl all the bad guys want!” (Nicole sings followed behind by Arabella a little late) Jason who was still holding my hand, pulled me forward and people, flashes and, video cameras started doing a wild dance around us until Jason pulled me away up the red carpet. He´s, I'm following his lead on this one. He knows what he's doing, I'm just -

Arabella: 35:42

Yeah, you have no idea.

Nicole: 35:44

Most of the band had gotten out of the car except for Bella and Zander.(Arabella makes an appreciative noise) After the first wave of madness, Jason pulled me further up the red carpet. I was able to take in my surroundings properly. In front of us was a huge gold, white and red building. It was round like a dome and looked a bit like something from Gladiator. The red carpet led up to the entrance of that mysterious building with silver poles dividing the screaming fans and press from us. I followed Jason like a ghost as he signed photographs and took photos with fans. I must’ve looked right silly and out-of-place next to Jason,(Arabella chuckles)

Arabella: 35:52

Right silly

Nicole: 35:54

Like a British person Who was smiling and looking ultra-cool and oddly collected. Finally, away from the fans, he pulled me towards a man and a woman. The man had a handheld camera perched on his shoulder and the woman was smiling widely, wielding a microphone with a big red E on it followed by an exclamation mark. I recognised it as E-entertainment. The woman greeted Jason, but I wasn’t paying much attention to them. I was listening to the song.

That's, that checks out. Music: 35:57

I'm distracted.

Arabella: 35:59

Yeah, yeah

Nicole: 36:01

It reminded me of Bella and I and I was wondering what they were still doing in the limousine.(Arabella makes another deep happy noise) Because it is quite unnatural for The Band to go in pairs rather than as a fucking band.

Arabella: 36:05

True. Yeah

Nicole: 36:07

Maybe that, maybe it's quite narrow, I don't know.

Arabella: 36:09

Well, there's always going to be someone's a bit further ahead because they've got to get out one by one.

Nicole: 36:11

That's true as well, good shout. Jason finally let go of my hand and took me around the shoulders instead. The gesture brought me crashing back to the earth violently. I started nervously at his touch.“And who is this?” the woman asked, looking at me and then at Jason.“What do you mean?” I frowned,(Nicole laughs) Wow, I'm brilliant at it.(Arabella laughs) Gesturing dramatically at Jason with my left hand across me and draping my right hand- arm, not just my hand. How big is my hand?

Arabella: 36:21

No

Nicole: 36:23

I can wrap my entire hand around his waist.

Arabella: 36:25

Hand around his waist

Nicole: 36:27

God

Arabella: 36:29

That's a teeny tiny waist

Nicole: 36:31

And it's not.“What do you mean?” I frowned, gesturing dramatically at Jason with my left hand across me and draping my right arm around his waist, not as comfortable as I had imagined as it was at shoulder-height for me.(Arabella laughs)“This is Jason Sha-“The woman laughed. It was a grating, high-pitched sound. “She’s a funny one”, she said.“Yes”, Jason said. “This is Nicole”.“Your new girlfriend?” the woman asked, sounding hopeful for something to report.“No”, he replied, grinning mischievously. “My cousin…”(Nicole puffs a laugh and Arabella croaks) Oh, fuck. Then with his long arm around my shoulder, grazed my left breast gently. Which I will talk to him about later because what the frick?(Arabella chuckles) So, man dude, so man dude, man bear pig, what is happening?(Both laugh)

Arabella: 36:46

Man bear pig.(They laugh harder)

Nicole: 36:49

The woman, - Because I'm having issues here, because I want both want it to happen. I'm also going “You audacious, fuck!”

Arabella: 36:52

No, yes.

Nicole: 36:54

The woman who is immediately(Arabella laughs) Yeah, fucking hell, Jason, he knows how to do. The woman who was immediately incredibly uncomfortable, held out the microphone to Jason, and asked rather tentatively, “Could you please say you’re watching E-entertainment”. She's like oh, please, don't pull another weird(Nicole laughs)

Arabella: 37:01

Yes, they go, do your thing, get away from me

Nicole: 37:03

Just be normal. Jason did not look thrilled to do it - Because he doesn´t love stuff like that.

- but leaned forward and said: 37:06

“I’m Jay Shanahan and you’re watching E!” He held the middle finger of his right hand out to the camera. Yep,(Arabella chortles)

Arabella: 37:10

Yep

Nicole: 37:12

He was going to do something challenging authority. I guess. I just smiled sheepishly as Jason steered me away from them.“Jay—what the fuck—your cousin?” I asked dismayed once we were out of earshot.“Well, they stopped harassing us, didn’t they?”“Do you really want your fans to think you’re fucking your cousin?” He laughed. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing they’ve heard”.(Arabella laughs) True and wow.

Arabella: 37:21

Yes.

Nicole: 37:23

I looked behind - Just to be clear, guys, Jason Shanahan never fucked his cousin, or anyone.

Arabella: 37:26

No

Nicole: 37:28

No, wait, not ´or anyone´.

Arabella: 37:30

No, no! Not ´or anyone. He fucked many people.

Nicole: 37:32

Never. What the fuck, Nicole?(Nicole chuckles) I meant anyone... No incest happened here.

Arabella: 37:36

No, incesting.

Nicole: 37:38

Ever.

Arabella: 37:40

No, never.

Nicole: 37:42

He's just a massive- Jason is, uh, someone who absolutely challenges authority. He's one of the kindest, kindest people you'll ever meet, but he just doesn't love this imbalance, not in a kinky way. In a kinky way it's fine, but I mean in real life. He doesn't love power imbalances like police and all this kind of stuff. The military he's not - He's uncomfortable

Arabella: 37:44

Not a fan

Nicole: 37:46

And therefore, the way he deals with it is to be a little bit of a dick.

Arabella: 37:48

Yeah

Nicole: 37:50

Yeah, that's what that was.

Arabella: 37:52

Yeah

Nicole: 37:54

But it's a dick in a way that it still makes him like he's not harming anyone.

Arabella: 37:56

No

Nicole: 37:58

It's actually just harming himself a little bit, actually, funnily enough

Arabella: 38:00

Yeah

Nicole: 38:02

But yeah, it's all fun and games.

Arabella: 38:04

Yeah

Nicole: 38:06

He doesn't take life seriously at all. It's all a game.

Arabella: 38:08

Yes

Nicole: 38:10

Okay

Arabella: 38:12

Yeah

Nicole: 38:14

I looked behind me to see Mike chatting to the woman we were with before. He was smiling charmingly, all dimples and teeth. Carter was chatting with some fans and at that moment signing some girl’s boob. Yep.

Arabella: 38:17

Classic.

Nicole: 38:19

Noah was a couple of meters away from us kissing a girl on the cheek At that moment - They're just living it up, huh.

Arabella: 38:23

Yep, they're having a great time.

Nicole: 38:25

I know At that moment, Disease by Lady Gaga started playing loudly over the speakers and the people were going insane behind us. I glanced over to see what the commotion was all about. Bella and Zander had just gotten out of the limousine and were waving at the crowd. Wow, you spent a fuck ton of time in the limousine.

Arabella: 38:29

Yes, we did.

Nicole: 38:31

What were...? Hmm.

Arabella: 38:33

You will find out. You will find out (Said lowly)

Nicole: 38:35

They were looking ridiculously good together. Bella did not look like an urchin next to Zander as I did next to Jason.

Arabella: 38:37

No, you don't look like an urchin, you moose.

Nicole: 38:39

Well, he is more than a foot. He's like a foot and a half taller than me,

Arabella: 38:41

That's true

Nicole: 38:43

So, I probably did look a little bit like an urchin.

Arabella: 38:45

Yeah, but a cute urchin.

Nicole: 38:47

Sure. Could get in his pocket.(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 38:50

Yes

Nicole: 38:52

Zander and Bella were just leaving the first load of photographers when Jason awoke me from my stupor.“What are you doing?” Jason asked, pulling me along, “come on”. We had three more interviews on the side. During all of them, Jason regretfully told them increasingly bizarre stuff about me in-between talking about the tour. But I had to admit, I enjoyed the attention...very much.

YeahhhhhNicole: 38:58

This is no longer a secret.

Arabella: 39:00

No.

Nicole: 39:02

As Bella and the rest of the band caught up to us, Jason seemed to lose control of his senses completely. He suddenly lifted me up from behind which caused me to scream in shock and all the cameras started flashing.(Arabella laughs) Carter thought it was hilarious and doubled over, laughing. I begged Jason to put me down as Bella and Zander arrived, seeming rather puzzled by the situation but not disturbed.(Arabella continues laughing) We're going to get kicked out of these awards apparently.“Jay, please,” I half begged, half laughed.

Arabella: 39:09

(Still laughing)“Jay, come on,”

Nicole: 39:12

Bella said, and he put me down. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, over my shoulder, before jogging back down the red carpet to talk to some fans.“Is he drunk?” I whispered to Carter, Zander and Bella.(Arabella chortles) Carter was still laughing a little. “Nah, He’s just being Jay”, he said. I shrugged. I'd already forgiven Jason for letting me embarrass myself. Bella, Zander, Carter and I continued up the carpet, At least we're gaining some of the band now.

Arabella: 39:18

Yes

Nicole: 39:20

But not before I looked over my shoulder to find Jason again. He had disappeared. I was still searching around when someone took me around the waist from behind.(Arabella chuckles) I laughed. “Jay, what are you doing?” I knew it was him from the way the glow between my legs ignited.(Arabella laughs) Well, you know what I mean.

Arabella: 39:26

Yes

Nicole: 39:28

Like your energy feels the energy before your brain really, like gets it together.

Arabella: 39:30

Yeah

Nicole: 39:32

So you all know what I mean.

Arabella: 39:34

Yeah

Nicole: 39:36

“Let’s see if this gives you a clue-“ Jason whispered, his head on my shoulder, “You’ll be begging for mercy if you don’t tell Mike by tomorrow morning- “(Nicole gasps)

Arabella: 39:39

Ooh!

Nicole: 39:41

Oh my God

Arabella: 39:43

Shhhiiiiiit!

Nicole: 39:45

I would be a pile of a mess by now.

Arabella: 39:47

Yes

Nicole: 39:49

The glow between my legs was ruthless.

Arabella: 39:51

Yeah

Nicole: 39:53

I swallowed, trying to keep the smile on my face for the cameras in front of me. “You sick bastard”, I said softly.(Nicole chuckles) Also, he knows, he knows how to get me.

Arabella: 39:57

Yes, he does.

Nicole: 39:59

He's kind of hot. It's kind of half a punishment, I think.

Arabella: 40:01

Exactly, he's toying with you a little.

Nicole: 40:03

He's toying with me on purpose, a little bit

Arabella: 40:05

Yeah

Nicole: 40:07

Yeah Jason laughed but let go of me. When he left, I noticed a face in the crowd. I didn’t expect to see Timothy Carter in Bern

Arabella: 40:11

Timothy

Nicole and Arabella: 40:13

Fucking Carter.

Nicole: 40:15

Especially not behind the silver poles. I sped towards Mike without even thinking of what the consequences might be.

Arabella: 40:18

Ooh, Nicky…

Nicole: 40:20

My impulsiveness is a problem.“What are you doing?” He asked, taking my arm in his hand and smiling at some fans who greeted him. To the innocent bystander, who happened to be Mike Ellis from Midnight Betrayal

Arabella: 40:23

Ooh!

Nicole: 40:25

It took, I know It would look like Mike Solomon was gently holding my arm because he was still smiling so charmingly, but he was holding my arm very tightly. There's so many Mikes. There's another fucking Mike.

Arabella: 40:29

Yes, we did

Nicole: 40:31

We just Miked them all

Arabella: 40:33

We did, but there was a reason. I know there was a reason we decided to keep it all -

Nicole: 40:35

For him there's a reason.

Arabella: 40:37

Yeah

Nicole: 40:39

But anyway. So, Mike Ellis from Midnight Betrayal is a very important character in this, actually.

Arabella: 40:41

Yes, he is.

Nicole: 40:43

We'll be coming back multiple times. So, this is his first introduction. Very good band

Arabella: 40:45

Yeah

Nicole: 40:47

Very good band.

Arabella: 40:49

Yes

Nicole: 40:51

“Timothy Carter’s here”, I said quickly.“Fuck.” Mike said softly but urgently. He stared around him and then back at me. “Stay with Jay...”“Mike”, I urged as he gave me a push away, “I’m sure he was taking photos...” Mike growled. “So then stay with Jay”.(Nicole wheezes and Arabella chortles)

Arabella: 40:57

Seriously, woman, how do you not get this?

Nicole: 40:59

Because I I'm a penis. I walked quickly back to where I was, saw Jason standing near the entrance waiting for me.“You okay?” he asked as I reached him.“Sure”, I answered quickly.“I don’t believe you”, he said, frowning. I sighed. “Tim’s here”.“Timothy fucking Carter?” “Yeah”, I said, “and he was taking photos...of me...and probably of you when you were being creepy.”(Nicole snuffles and Arabella giggles) At that moment the guys were called for a group photo against the white screen. Bella and I watched from the sidelines.

Arabella: 41:09

“How’s it going? You look so fucking beautiful- “

Nicole: 41:11

“You do!” I responded immediately, “I cannot take my eyes off you and neither can anyone else”.

Arabella: 41:13

(Arabella laughs)“Are you behaving with Jay?”

Nicole: 41:16

“I am”, I said confidently, “for the first time ever but Jay is not behaving at all—did you see him swinging me around?”

Arabella: 41:18

“I did, but I don’t think anyone will be alarmed by that”.

Nicole: 41:20

“True—however he’s been telling all the interviewers that I’m his cousin”, I informed her, “then he touches me in some way that makes it look really dodge- “ Bella frowned.

“Interesting tactic-“Nicole: 41:24

“Right?” I laughed, “this guy—so unpredictable-“That sounded a little bit, like there was a lot of admiration in that.(Nicole chuckles)

Arabella: 41:27

I mean, that is generally how we are.

Nicole: 41:29

Suddenly, the Swiss photographer ordered Bella and I into one of the shots.

Arabella: 41:31

“Uh-no-no. You don’t need us in there...”

Nicole: 41:33

But he persisted in his broken English and Bella, and I continued to resist until Mike finally spoke.“Just get in the picture, or we’ll be here all night”. He said it very gently, but I’m sure that if we weren’t in public, it would’ve been a very different tone. We walked towards the guys. Zander pulled Bella towards him so that she was standing in front of him, and I took a space between Jason and Noah.“I’m going to look tall”, Noah said excitedly leaning an arm on my shoulder.(Nicole followed by Arabella chuckle) I laughed. “Glad I can be of assistance”. As the photographer took the photo, Jason put his hand on my bum from behind. No, what is he doing?

Arabella: 41:42

Yeah.

Nicole: 41:44

(Nicole sighs) Whiplash is what it is.

Arabella: 41:47

Yes

After the photos, as we prepared to go into the theatre, I asked Jason: 41:49

“Is that what you called distancing yourself?” He feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”“Touching my bum, brushing my breasts, whispering in my ear- “ He laughed. “I do that with everyone- “ And that is true, guys.

Arabella: 41:55

Yeah

Nicole: 41:57

I mean he, he knows

Arabella: 41:59

Well, almost.

Nicole: 42:01

He knows he should really rein it in but, like

Arabella: 42:03

Yeah

Nicole: 42:05

He is a very tactile person. But yeah, he's overdoing it.

Arabella: 42:07

Yes.

Nicole: 42:09

He's overdoing it. I'm right to call him out on this.

Arabella: 42:11

No, no, the. Yeah, because he doesn't do that exactly to everyone. He touches everyone.

Nicole: 42:13

Yeah

Arabella: 42:15

As a tactile, but he doesn't be...

Nicole: 42:17

Yeah, unless told otherwise.

Arabella: 42:19

Brushing breasts …

Nicole: 42:21

He's not going to be disrespectful, which is why I'm saying a thing.

Arabella: 42:23

Exactly.

Nicole: 42:25

He laughed. “I do that to everyone- ““You don’t do it to Bella”, I maintained.“Bella’s clearly with Zander- ““So, what are you trying to say?” I asked him, annoyed. “Because I’m not spoken for you can grab at me whenever you want?” Oh

OoooooooohNicole: 42:32

He smiled. “Sorry, I won’t touch you again- ““Jay, that’s not what I meant- “(Nicole chuckles with dismay) Oh, fuck my life.(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 42:38

You're like damn it.

Nicole: 42:40

“What did you mean?”“I just want to understand if you’re angry at me or not”.“I’m mad as hell”, he told me, still smiling, “but I said I’d give you a chance and I am. Until then it’s like nothing happened—so try not to disappoint me”. I swallowed. “I assure you there’s nothing I want less than disappointing you”.“Good”, he said, “now let’s go”.

Arabella: 42:46

And that's where we end today's episode Anxious and Horny. Ooh!

Nicole: 42:48

Fucking anxious and horny.

Arabella: 42:50

Yeah

Nicole: 42:52

But can we just talk about, how can I not be? Okay? Look, I've done some stupid ass shit.

Arabella: 42:54

Yes

Nicole: 42:56

But I feel like I need to defend myself just a little bit. They and this is what I need to communicate to Mike. They constantly put me in difficult situations

Arabella: 42:58

Yeah

Nicole: 43:00

With the public, with the touring, with all sorts of things, and it's very difficult to maintain this balance, you know?

Arabella: 43:02

Yeah

Nicole: 43:04

In the public eye, in private and like, yes, I could definitely be better at it, but I think a big thing that needs to be communicated here is this is a lot of pressure.

Arabella: 43:06

Yeah, and it's overwhelming.

Nicole: 43:08

So overwhelming.

Arabella: 43:10

You're also with people that you have idolized for years

Nicole: 43:12

Yeah, absolutely, decades.

Arabella: 43:14

And that's overwhelming in itself,

Nicole: 43:16

Yeah

Arabella: 43:18

Let alone, yeah

Nicole: 43:20

All the extras

Arabella: 43:22

With everything else on top of it

Nicole: 43:24

Exactly.

Arabella: 43:26

Yeah,

Nicole: 43:28

So yes

Arabella: 43:30

And the rules and the…

Nicole: 43:32

So, yes, it's just it's not growing great, but basically, we need to have a massive conversation.

It's not growing great?Nicole: 43:35

It's not growing great; it's not going great(Arabella laughs)

Arabella: 43:38

Yes, but you'll have to wait for the rest in our final episode of season one, Midnight Betrayal.

Nicole: 43:40

Yeahhhhhh

Arabella: 43:42

Yay!

Nicole: 43:44

So, I hope you guys,

Arabella: 43:46

Join us next week!

Nicole: 43:48

Yah. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Next week will be our final episode of Season 1, but that's exciting. Then there's a whole season and you can listen to it as many times as you want, and then

Arabella: 43:50

And Season 2 will come along

Nicole: 43:52

It will it absolutely will, and it's going to be bigger and better than ever before. We have plans.

Arabella: 43:54

Exactly. We have so many plans.

Nicole: 43:56

See you guys’ next week.

Arabella: 43:58

Anyway

Nicole: 44:00

Bye.

Arabella: 44:02

See you next week, bye! Thank you, as always, for listening to us. Please follow us on all our socials, interact with us. We love it, and please don't forget to subscribe and share.

Nicole: 44:06

And also, if you could support us, please consider buying us a coffee. You can buy us a coffee monthly, so it's you know every month, or you can give us a one-off donation it means the world to us. And also, free and quick please consider rating the show. Please, and thank you.

Arabella: 44:08

Thank you. Please and thank you, thank you and please.(Theme music plays out with lyrics)“…. Hanging on to everything you said. And everything you did was so wonderful! So unbelievable! What is this world without you? We’re hanging on to what you were, even if it hurts!...”