Unruly Confessions

Bonus: Gagreel Ep 2 'Pain in the Ass'

Arabella Gourlay & Nicole van Niekerk Season 1

This is the gagreel for Episode 2 'Pain in the Ass'. It is advised to listen to Episode 2 before listening to the Gagreel. 

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La transcription en français (The French Transcipt) : Dans la description de l'épisode.

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Theme Music: Rat Head - Big Mouse Tree House
Written and performed by: Nicole van Niekerk (Singer), Steve van Niekerk (Lead Guitar & Backing Vocals), Rachel Espeute (Bass & Backing Vocals) & Bertie Atkinson (Drums)

https://music.apple.com/us/album/rat-head/1347222686?i=1347223114

Also available on Spotify and Bandcamp.





Nicole:

Hello, we are—

Arabella:

Finish more tea!

Nicole:

--back in your face, with Unruly Confessions, in your face, argh.

Arabella:

In your face, and in Nicole’s mouth. (Nicole laughs)

Nicole:

I forgot about that

Arabella:

Yeah!

Nicole:

She did an audition…in her mouth.

Arabella:

In her mouth. (Nicole giggles)

Nicole:

All right.

Arabella:

Thank you very much, my love. So last week on Unruly Confessions, Nicole went to…(long pause) oh…

Nicole:

(Laughs) Where did you go? Where did you go, Nicole?

Arabella:

(Laughing) My brain…my brain just went…BLANK! All right.

Nicole:

Try again, babe, try again.

Arabella:

Last week, on Un, ‘beep’. ARGH!

Nicole:

No.

Arabella:

No!

Nicole:

It’s all wrong, it’s all wrong!

Arabella:

It’s all wrong!

Nicole:

Between his long eyelashes and full lips he grew a goatee to not appear too feminine. Noah was a classically attractive silver fox with his short salt and pepper hair…I'm actually laughing because of how we described um, um Carter.

Arabella:

I know it's so mean!

Nicole:

It's not mean, it's just. The thing is it's kind of true…

Arabella:

It's true, it's true though, it's so true.

Nicole:

But look, he's hot, but it's just, I would, yeah, well, I do in the, fictionally, but I would in real life. So so hard, so much.

Arabella:

Yeah.

Nicole:

So it's honestly like it's just a good description. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that he looks the way he looks. Okay, okay, I'm gonna...Shall we retake that? Mark was…hmgh…Mark was, at the time, the head of merchandise. (Both laugh) It's because I tried not to laugh, so I made this weird little, hmm hmm noise which turned out to be weirder!

Arabella:

(Laughs) Yes!

Nicole:

Turned out to be much weirder.

Arabella:

Two, spitting, three, flay, flay, slapping. (Bursts out laughing)

Nicole:

Slap that flay!

Arabella:

Flace that slap! (Both laugh and try to control themselves, then Bella snorts)

Nicole:

What is happening? (More laughter) It was really good!

Arabella:

It was going so well!

Nicole:

It was so good! I love it. Don't change a thing, except for don't say flay! (Laughs) Besides that, the vibe oh my gosh, it's perfect.

Arabella:

You know how it's, you know when, when you can literally feel it coming out wrong? (Nicole laughs) And I was like, oh, oh, this is too late.

Nicole:

You’re like my mouth is doing a weird! My mouth…

Arabella:

I am no longer in control of my mouth.

Nicole:

Nope, but not. But not in a good way. (Chuckles) What?

Arabella:

Not in a good way.

Nicole:

Right.

Arabella:

Not in any fun sort of way.

Nicole:

Not in a fun way. Look, we don't have a lot of time ‘beep’ started. (Beeps out when Nicole said an actual name) Argh! ‘Beep’ snorted, and ‘beep’. No, no! ZANDER!

Arabella:

It's not even the right one!

Nicole:

It’s not even the right one!

Arabella:

It's not even the right one.

Nicole:

Zander snorted into his shoulder. “They do”, ‘beep, beep’. (Both laugh) So close, so close. And then my brain was like no, no, no, no, no. ‘Beep’. It's a very different vibe if his name is ‘beep’.

Arabella:

Yeah!

Nicole:

Ya redneck! (Chuckles) Sorry!“On that note”, Mike said. (Chuckles) Now it’s just weird. (Bella laughs) Why can't I speak, man?

Arabella:

Biggest pause ever, for a non-dramatic pause.

Nicole:

“On that note”, Mike said “how do you feel about appearing naked in front of the band?” Oh, why did we phrase it like that?

Arabella:

Hang the fuck on!

Nicole:

How do you feel being naked, right? Appearing naked, like, oh I'm here!

Arabella:

Woohoo!

Nicole:

Like being naked, right? Hello?

Arabella:

I kind of like appearing…

Nicole:

Appearing naked?

Arabella:

No, okay, being naked, being naked, being naked. Hang the fuck on, Bridget! No, no keep the hang the fuck on. No, not the hang the fuck on. Because then I again say appearing naked in front of the band, it's like just naked in front of the band. What do you mean? Yeah, so keep it. I like it, keep it.

Nicole:

What?

Arabella:

The appearing naked.

Nicole:

No!

Arabella:

It works ‘cause it's funny with the whole bit next.

Nicole:

No, I don't like it!

Arabella:

Yes!

Nicole:

Let me take it out!

Arabella:

I do!

Nicole:

It's out. I hate it.

Arabella:

Argh, I love it.

Nicole:

No, you don't love it!

Arabella:

I do!

Nicole:

You're just being a contrasty bitch.

Arabella:

No, I'm not, I love it.

Nicole:

You had time to scrawl down your fetishes? Fetishes. Wow, why can't I say fetishes? (Both laugh) Once again then. Hang on. ‘Slap’.

Arabella:

Fetishes, fetishes.

Nicole:

Fetishes.“So like will there be punishments?” I asked awkwardly. “They will be suggested and consented to when and if necessary”. Mike answered. I tried not to smile, thinking that they would most definitely be necessary.

Arabella:

Oh yeah! (Cackles)

Nicole:

He knows who he signed up for. Come on.

Arabella:

Yeah, come on, seriously.

Nicole:

On that note, Mike…newt. Oh gosh, on that, newt. Let's not go that crazy now. Okay, should we try that whole section again? I just pooed it.(Laughs)

Arabella:

Yes, again.

Nicole:

I love how we've decided that we have to read our own sex scenes, like from our own perspectives.

Arabella:

Yeah—

Nicole:

Wouldn't have been easier to read each other's sex scenes?

Arabella:

I know right?

Nicole:

That way it's less like—argh huh…what? What just happened? Yeah, we're stupid.

Arabella:

We are stupid.

Nicole:

No, but it makes it part of the fun. Like you, you're forced to read your own sex scene from your own perspective.

Arabella:

Yes, yes.

Nicole:

Brilliant. I gestured to the two crew members on either side of me. He just, oh, fucking hell.

Arabella:

I was about to say you gestured, or he gestured.

Nicole:

Unbelievable. I say. Unbelievable.

Arabella:

Unbelievable.

Nicole:

I just...Just why do I want to say I?

Arabella:

I don't know.

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