
Unruly Confessions
Two best friends host a wild podcast, telling a sexy fictional story of life on tour and beyond with 'The Band'. Please note that this podcast is for over 18s only.
Unruly Confessions
Pain in the Ass
What happens when your life takes an unexpected turn and lands you on your favourite band's tour bus? Join us on Unruly Confessions as we continue Nicole's journey after an unexpected encounter with the Band's frontman, Mike Solomon. Listen as Nicole panics getting ready after receiving a late text from Melissa Casey, and she frantically rushes to meet Billy at Watford Station. Feel the thrill and chaos as she races across London to meet Billy before it's too late. Added bonus of hearing Nicole and Arabella struggle and failing their way through various accents.
Join Nicole on the tour bus for the first time and experience the exhilarating atmosphere as she meets the rest of the band members—Zander, Jason, Carter, and Noah—each moment a blend of playfulness and confusion.
An intense yet amusing conversation about boundaries and expectations unfolds, offering insights into Mike's unique rules of engagement. As concerns about trust and responsibility arise, particularly from Carter, the band shows they are just as much brothers as they are musicians. Ending on a humorous note, this episode promises a wild ride filled with laughter, tensions, and a hint of what’s to come...
La transcription en français (The French Transcript) https://unrulyconfessionspodcast.wordpress.com/2024/10/10/episode-2-pain-in-the-ass-emmerdeuse/
La transcription en français (The French Transcipt) : Dans la description de l'épisode.
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Theme Music: Rat Head - Big Mouse Tree House
Written and performed by: Nicole van Niekerk (Singer), Steve van Niekerk (Lead Guitar & Backing Vocals), Rachel Espeute (Bass & Backing Vocals) & Bertie Atkinson (Drums)
https://music.apple.com/us/album/rat-head/1347222686?i=1347223114
Also available on Spotify and Bandcamp.
Unruly Confessions Ep 2 - Pain in the ass…
Arabella:The following podcast contains adult themes, graphic sexual content, strong language, alcohol and drug references, and some infrequent violence. Everything you need for a wild ride.
Nicole:Also, please do remember that this is a work of fiction, so if any of the characters are familiar to you, you find similarities with real people or their music, just know that they're all lightly inspired by many of our favourite bands, and they are completely fictional. So let us not get upset about this.(Podcast theme music plays – Rat Head by Big Mouse Tree House)
Arabella:Welcome back to Unruly Confessions. I'm Arabella Gourlay, recording from the West Country
Nicole:And I am Nicole van Niekerk, recording from the French Country(Both give a little chuckle)
Arabella:We hope you enjoyed last week's episode and are back raring to go for more. I'm excited, are you?
Nicole:(Nicole laughs into speaking) When have I not been excited before?
Arabella:This is true. She's generally always excited. She's a little pocket rocket(Both laugh)
Nicole:That is true. So, just as a quick refresh, uh, from last week's episode where we did a bigger introduction on this, we've been writing and re-editing the story over the past 15 years, on and off, not every day. We're not, you know, insane, not…
Arabella:Not that much
Nicole:(Arabella laughs) Not completely. You can introduce us to your parents. You know if your parents are open-minded.(Nicole laughs)
Arabella:We are a tad insane, but in the best way possible, I'd like to think.(Nicole is still laughing in the background)
Nicole:Indeed
Arabella:Anyway, it became a place of refuge and safety for us when there was a lot going on in our lives that we either wanted to escape or we just needed another hit of our glorious fantasy world.
Nicole:It is a freaking, glorious world.
Arabella:It is
Nicole:All this to say, this has been an incredibly exciting journey to finally put this out in the public but, as you can imagine,(Nicole laughs a little as she speaks) because of the nature of the content, also a vulnerable journey for us, so
Arabella:Super vulnerable.
Nicole:Yeah, but I've been told I should be more vulnerable. So here we are. So, we hope you end up enjoying and loving it as much as we do, because what we'd really love is to have a little community, you know. So please do, if you're enjoying yourself, I mean even if you're not, but mostly if you're enjoying yourself get in contact with us. You can send us messages directly from our website or you can do it on our socials, but we'd absolutely love to hear from you
Arabella:We really would and, and we're everywhere. If you just look it up, we're everywhere. Really, we're trying to be anyway.
Nicole:We might be right behind you right now.(Nicole laughs and Arabella sings “dun dun duuuuuuh” and then laughs) Now I've given Arabella the wonderful task of trying to recall what happened last week, so she's gonna recap it for you.(Arabella lets out a wooosh of breath) Let's see how this goes
Arabella:Oooh, let's see how it goes. Okay, last week, on Unruly Confessions, Nicole went to Sonisphere to meet THE BAND backstage for a meet and greet while she was there, she got lost, as usual. And then she ended up in Mike Solomon's trailer with him. Oh my God!! Neither of them knows why they're there and there is much confusion. And then she gave him the audacious option of a massage, 30 seconds in. They talked sex. They also talked a lot of other things, and then, when it was time for him to go to the meet and greet, he asked her to go and sign some documents. Ooooooh, And when she got back, after getting lost yet again, she was given the deal of a lifetime and all she had to do was one little audition… in her mouth!
Nicole:(Nicole laughs) Well, that's one way to sum it all up.(Arabella laughs) So, without further ado, Arabella, are you ready?
Arabella:Abso-fucking-lutely. Here we go with episode two Pain in the Ass.(Podcast theme music plays - Rathead by Big Mouse Tree House)
Nicole:Episode 2. Pain in the Ass I was up at eight the next morning, overthinking too much to sleep. I dressed in jeans and a green shirt and put on minimal make-up. Before Silvia left for work, over breakfast, we discussed how bizarre and dream-like the previous night had seemed before saying goodbye to each other. I promised to call her if by some outrageous chance I was actually contacted and went on tour with the band; something I assured her was damn near impossible. I had a flight back to France the next day, but I had yet to pack my bag and I was definitely putting it off for as long as possible due to my extreme dislike of packing and complete disorganisation as a human-being.(Nicole laughs) Instead, I checked my e-mails and my Facebook page.(Arabella Chuckles) I updated my status to how amazing the previous night was but the phone call from Mike never came. It wasn’t that big a surprise, but I was still disappointed. I knew it was too good to be true. I mean come on, though I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. I was watching television late that afternoon when I received a text. My heart skipped a beat as I saw an American number I didn’t recognise.
Arabella:(In RP, formal voice) Hello Nicole, If you haven’t changed your mind,
meet Billy at Watford station at 17:00. Mike will explain and you can decide what you want to do. Kind Regards, Melissa Casey
Nicole:It had to be the real Melissa Casey, or someone was pulling a well-thought-out prank on me. I panicked when I saw the time on my mobile. It was already four o’clock. Of course, the guy couldn’t give me a heads-up. I raced upstairs to pack, considering that I had hallucinated receiving a text. I put my suitcase on the bed and started chucking my clothes into it at random.
I had to reply to the text, but I had no idea what to say. Finally, I responded:“Okay”. Genius. I am a mastermind of communication.(Arabella laughs) It was a forty-minute train to Watford from Silvia’s flat so, I really needed to shake a tail-feather. The last thing I did before leaving the flat was to scrawl Silvia a completely unbelievable note and stick it to her fridge. I hauled the bag down(Nicole starts to laugh followed by Arabella) ADHD to the max, like, text her. You said you would call. You're not calling. You're leaving a note on the fridge. Like it's 1999. But to be fair,
Arabella:Well, it's all right, we've already. You were checking your Facebook, so that's really aged us there.
Nicole:Yep, well, to be fair, this checks out like I'm not. I'm not saying anything against this
Oh no no no no noNicole:I'm saying I'm saying I would do this. I would not text you. I would not call you. I would leave you a note on the fridge and you would be like, what?
Arabella:No, it's very true. It's very true, but it's also something we are so very much of that age where we check Facebook. You know, we are not TikTokers, instagrammers, although we like to try.
Nicole:True(Nicole laughs)
Arabella:Our generation is Facebook people. My space!
Nicole:(Nicole laughs) Very true. Right, let's get back to, where?
Arabella:Back to it.
Nicole:Back to it. So, what happened? Is I complete? I left an unbelievable note, and stick stuck it on the fridge. I hauled the bag down the road to the train station where I took the train and couldn’t stop bouncing on my seat all the way there. I had no idea what was going to happen when I got to Watford. Was he just going to be standing in the street next to the train station, surrounded by screaming fans? That seemed completely ridiculous. When I exited the train station, my pulse went berserk as Billy, the head of security from the previous evening, climbed out of a black Mercedes. I watched him walk over to me where I stood frozen outside the station doorway. When he arrived in front of me, and I realised how real it was starting to feel, I grinned. My smile was apparently infectious as Billy who was frowning before smiled too. “Afternoon, Nicole”.“Hello, Sir”.(Half laughing as she speaks) The fact that he was wearing a suit jacket made me feel compelled to call him Sir.(Arabella laughs) Yep! I was completely out of my comfort-zone. He laughed. “The name is Billy”.“Billy”, I repeated. “You’re not from Orange County”, I noted, “I can’t place your accent”. Maybe because the podcaster can't do it.(Nicole laughs followed by Arabella)“Lafayette, Louisiana”, he responded rapidly,
Arabella:(Attempting the accent) Louisiana
Nicole:Okay, so you do the accent then if you're so great.
Arabella:I don't know, I can't do it either.(Nicole laughs)
Nicole:I don't even know. Well, it's Cajun and it's very hard. It's not an easy accent.“Lafayette, Louisiana”, he responded rapidly, “is this all your stuff?”“I didn’t know what to pack”, I admitted, “so yeah, this is it”.“We need to go”, he told me, “You’re already ten minutes late”.“I’m sorry”, I cringed, “I expected a phone call. I mean...I thought it was bullshit to be honest”. Billy nodded. “It’s all a bit last minute”, he agreed, “we’re on a pretty tight schedule and Mike’s waiting to talk to you so, let’s go. We need to be in Paris tomorrow”. He glanced at his wristwatch. I got into the black Mercedes with Billy, and we drove a few minutes away from the train station. He stopped the car behind a huge, black, and silver tour bus idling in a wider road. Carter Townsend, the band’s rhythm guitarist stood next to the bus. He lit a cigarette as Billy got out of the car. I got out of the car as well but hung back nervously, staring at Carter. I couldn’t hear what Billy said to Carter, but he threw his arms in the air impatiently as Billy most probably told him I arrived late at the train station. Carter glanced in my direction as Billy walked back to where I was standing next to the car and my heart skipped a beat.“Go on”, Billy told me when I didn’t move towards the bus.“Shouldn’t I get my bag?” I asked him, confused.“You better have a chat with the band first”, he told me, “I may still need to take you back to the train station-“(In a sad laughy voice) Oh okay, that doesn't inspire a lot of confidence.(Arabella also makes a sad “ohh” noise) The organisation was very confusing to me. I mean, any organisation is very confusing to me.
Arabella:It is true. It is true.
Nicole:Billy smiled. “See you later”.“What?” I asked panicking. “You’re not coming with me?”“Absolutely not”, he responded, “I try not to get too involved with the band’s private life but sometimes it’s inevitable”.“I didn’t realise bodyguards also picked up fangirls”, I frowned. He chuckled. “This is extremely exceptional”.“So, if-““Nicole, you need to go now”, he said seriously. “We’re already very late”.“Sorry”, I said quickly. I already liked Billy. I felt more at ease with him around. I made my way over to the bus noticing that there was a small crowd gathering on the opposite pavement. I fought not to gape as I arrived in front of Carter. My pulse was out of control. He stepped on his half-finished cigarette and entered the bus without a word to me. I swallowed uncomfortably. I wasn’t sure if he was unhappy with my tardiness, or he was trying to escape the attention from the public. Probably the former. With Carter gone, I had no idea if I was supposed to climb onto the bus, or not. The number of people on the pavement was increasing. Mike hurriedly climbed down the few bus stairs to the door, seconds later. “You’re late”.“I’m sorry”, I told him, “The trains were difficult, and I didn’t have a lot of warning, so-““I told you yesterday that we were leaving today-“ he told me, “You could’ve easily prepared-““I didn’t believe this…
Arabella:Bullshit! Bullshit! I just have to say bullshit.(Nicole laughs) In London, for most people it takes more than an hour to get across London to somewhere like Watford.
Nicole:Yeah, but they're Americans, they don't know this
Arabella:It’s not even like central London
Nicole:No, it's not
Arabella:I mean to get across, who knows where you're going. You know the longest journey can take up to two hours
Nicole:That is completely true.
Arabella:To cross London
Nicole:Bella makes a good point defending me.
Arabella:And they gave you one, one hour, from the moment the text arrived, until you had to be there.
Nicole:That is true
Arabella:Rude!
Nicole:I mean. We don't know exactly what time the text well, when it arrived, because it's an American number, you don't know what is happening with signals and stuff. But regardless of all that, you're completely right. Thank you for defending me. However, this is a Dom. He's never wrong, is he?
Arabella:No
Nicole:No matter what
Arabella:Silly, silly men, silly men!(Nicole and Arabella laugh)
Nicole:Not silly men. If he was a woman and a Dom, same.
Arabella:Well, that's true.
Nicole:Yeah, I'm wrong, you're right, it's a thing.
Arabella:But I would have thought a woman would have thought about it better.
Nicole:Yeah, and in a non-American non, non, non, non, non-person from non-America. What am I trying to say?(Both are laughing as they try and speak)
Arabella:Non-American person.
Nicole:Non-person, non-person, someone not from America, would have, or someone who knew London a bit better. Anyway, I'm so sorry.“I told you yesterday that we were leaving today-“ he told me, “You could’ve easily prepared-““I didn’t believe this was actually going to happen- “ He sighed. “Well, I wanted a good amount of time to explain everything to you but now we only have ten minutes before we have to leave, or we’ll throw the schedule”.“You could’ve called me”.(Arabella says “YEAH” in the background) He cast an impatient look at me. “We’re working. I put this half an hour aside to have this conversation. Now we have even less-““You’re Mike Solomon, right?” A girl suddenly asked Mike. She and three of her friends made their way over from the other side of the pavement. Mike’s face instantly changed, and he smiled kindly at them. “Yes, how are y’all doing?”“I told you it was the band’s bus!” one of the others insisted.“Could we have your autograph, please?” another asked, “maybe a photo?” Mike didn’t tell them that we were late or didn’t have time for any of the favours they asked for, but instead signed the autographs generously and posed for photos.“You can get on the bus, Nicole”, he told me. I was incredibly uncomfortable getting on the bus by myself, but I did so anyway. The bus driver was a man in his late forties. He had tousled blonde hair and a thin moustache. He wore jeans and a red-check shirt, but no shoes.“Hey”, he smiled. “I’m Mike”. He held his hand out to me confidently.“Hey, another Mike”, I said, shaking his hand. “Nicole. Nice to meet you”.“Pleasure’s all mine, babe”, he informed me. “The boys are just down this hallway. I’m sure you can hear them”. Sure enough, loud voices were coming from where he gestured down the bus hallway. It was followed by loud booming laughter.“I’ll just wait for Mike”, I told him, nodding towards the door. “He’ll be here any moment”.“As you like”.
When Mike, the frontman got back onto the bus, he told Mike, the driver:“Lock the doors, please. It’s getting crowded out there. We’ve been waiting here too long”. The bus driver immediately locked the bus door. “Andrew’s been asking when we’re leaving. He’s getting impatient”, he told us. Andrew Stevens was the band manager.“Aren’t we all”, Mike, the frontman retorted, “tell him, we’ll leave in ten minutes”.(Arabella sings “Somebody's in trouble”) Yep. Well, as we said, not my fault, right?
Arabella:Not your fault.
Nicole:Never my fault. Okay, that was going a bit far.(Both laugh) It is most of the time my fault, but this time it was not my fault.
Arabella:It was not
Nicole:All right. I followed Mike down the narrow bus hallway, narrow because of the various tables and seats on either side of it. The next part of the bus had curtained bunk beds built into the side of it and a small but well-equipped kitchenette. We found the rest of the band in a semi-circle around a table on leather sofas at the back of the bus. I stood uncomfortably against the wall as the four familiar faces stared at me, curiously. Mike sat down at the table with the rest of the band. Two crew members I recognised from videos over the years were leaning on either side of the wall to my left and right. On Mike’s right, sat Alexander Masters, nicknamed ‘Zander’, the band’s lead guitarist. Next to him, sitting in the middle of the table was the drummer, Jason Shanahan, more commonly referred to as Jay. Next to Jay, was Carter and on his right, Noah Nowak, the bassist who was closest to my left. All five of them were heavily tattooed everywhere but their faces. Zander had shoulder-length chestnut coloured hair and hazel eyes. The most facial hair he ever considered growing was the little stubble visible on his strong jaw line, giving his high cheek bones a more prominent appearance. Like Mike, he was muscular and broad-shouldered. Jason was six foot six with a lean build. He had striking blue eyes but wore glasses most of the time off stage. He had auburn hair that hung past his shoulders and a dark brown moustache and small beard. There was a visible scar from the corner of his mouth to his chin. Carter had grey eyes, short black hair and was a little chubbier than the rest. He always said that he got his tattoos to make him look more muscular. Between his long eyelashes and full lips, he grew a goatee to not appear too feminine. Noah was a classically attractive silver-fox with his short salt-and-pepper hair, well maintained beard and deep dark brown eyes. However, he was 5’6 and stocky, and the other guys would never let him forget it. Noah was also the youngest of the band at thirty-six. The rest of them were all forty. They all grew up together in Orange County and had been a band for over twenty years.“Look, we don’t have a lot of time”, Mike started, “So, this is Noah-”“Don’t bother introducing everyone”, I interrupted him, “I know everyone’s names, birthdates, blood types-“I was delighted when I made them all laugh. Of course, I didn’t know their blood types.(Arabella chuckles)“Guys,
Arabella:Really?
Nicole:I don't! Do you know their blood types?
Arabella:No, no, I don't.
Nicole:Of course we don't. Wow, man, like where would we even get their blood types? We'd have to like, have medical records.
Arabella:Break it… Yeah, we'd fully have to hack their medical records.
Nicole:That would be. I think that's illegal. I think.(Nicole cackles)
Arabella:I'm pretty damn certain it's illegal. In fact I know it's illegal.
Nicole:Just to set everyone's hearts at ease here, we do not know their blood types.(Nicole laughs followed by Arabella)
Arabella:We do not.
Nicole:(Both still laughing) And I'm not sure you can get that kind of thing on google anyway, because who wants to know? Right, like who cares?“Guys, this is Nicole”, Mike half-smiled. “I suppose you don’t know Mark and Jacob Miller?” He gestured to the two crew members on either side of me. Mark and Jacob were brothers who’d been working with the band since the very beginning of their career. Mark was at the time the head of merchandise and distribution while Jacob was the drum technician. The Miller-brothers looked very similar with their dark hair, dark eyes, and muscular builds.“Not personally”, I replied, “but I do know who they are”. Mark Miller chuckled. “Would you look at that?” He looked over at his brother. “We might as well be as famous as they are!” He gestured towards the band.“I wouldn’t take it that far”, I smiled, but I already liked the Miller-Brothers.“Now for the rules of the game”, Mike stated. “There are quite a lot of them ranging from between tour rules which are non-negotiable and primordial—and our rules which are of course negotiable and won’t surpass your limits”. I opened my mouth to speak but, he answered the question I was about to ask.“The second part of the rules can be discussed just between the two of us”. I nodded. “I assume the band will be around all the time, right?” Mike frowned. “Of course, why?” I shrugged. “We might as well discuss everything here then”, I told him, “I’m sure they know exactly what’s going on.”“There are no secrets between us”, he answered. “Besides it’s also practical, to have a private conversation on this bus is very difficult”.“You get to know people really well on tour”, Noah winked at me.“This could take a little while”, Mike told me, “So why don’t you sit down”.“Uh-where?” I could see all the space around the table was taken. He tapped his left thigh. I wasn’t going to say no to that opportunity, so I sat down obediently on his lap.(Arabella chuckles) He rolled his eyes. “I won’t break”.“I know”, I countered. “I’m just very uncomfortable”.(Both quietly chuckle) I wasn’t hyperventilating on his lap like I thought I would. I had completely forgotten to breathe. It was only when I became dizzy that I realised I was holding my breath. I let the breath out in a whoosh of air and then gasped.(Arabella is quietly laughing in the background all through this)“It’s best to breathe”, Mike suggested. “Keeps you alive”.“I’m sorry”, I told him. “I’m trying”.“So, for obvious reasons this will be a verbal agreement, and you can leave whenever you want”, Mike explained, “of course, actual sex-related details can be discussed as we go and are always negotiable if you’re uncomfortable with anything”. He hooked a string of hair behind my ear. “But more important is that you know what’s expected of you-“I might’ve been gaping slightly.(Arabella lets a little giggle escape) Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, I was gaping. Are you shitting me?(Nicole joins Arabella laughing) I'm gaping right now. Okay, calm,
Arabella:I'm just like, yeah, oooof,
Nicole:I'm calming down, hang on, I need to calm down. I'm super hot,(Nicole is still laughing whist Arabella burst in to full on hard laughing) Oooh, who wrote this? Ah, to be fair, it is 34 degrees outside, so I can't be blamed entirely for this problem, but yes.
Arabella:Steamy
Nicole:I might have been gaping slightly.“Okay”, I said, “are we going to discuss it now?”“No, we’re going to discuss it later,” he said sarcastically.“I’m trying to listen”, I said, resting my hands uncomfortably in my lap, “but I can’t think when I’m this nervous”. They laughed and I once again felt thrilled that I was amusing.“Can I please stand?” I begged.“Go on”. He lifted his leg slightly and gave me a boost off his lap. I was relieved to be away from his warmth but then everything, everyone rather was staring at me again.
Arabella:Everything was staring at you. Everything!(Nicole starts to laugh) The googly eyes on the fridge, the microwave.
Nicole:To be fair, everything could be staring at me right now, so,
Arabella:It really could. That is very true.
Nicole:Okay.(Theme music plays signalling a break)“Go on”. He lifted his leg slightly and gave me a boost off his lap. I was relieved to be away from his warmth but then everyone was staring at me again. The very first tour-rule he mentioned was that when the band was working in whatever capacity, I only speak when spoken to and stay out of everyone’s way.“You’re joking!” I exclaimed, loudly. “I can’t not speak until I’m spoken to”.“I liked you better when you were suffocating on my lap”, Mike said calmly.(Arabella makes a “ohhh ooohh ooooh ooooh ooooh” laughing kind of sound)“What if no one speaks to me?” I asked, sounding a little desperate.“Then we’ll have a nice quiet trip”, he responded, “You’ll only need your mouth for one thing”.(Arabella laughs) Wow!
Arabella:No holding back
Nicole:No, not for a second All the guys laughed admiringly at his crude joke while I blushed.“Hilarious, Mike”, I said, crossing my arms in defence.“People will speak to you”, he assured me, “We like to have fun, but this refers to when we’re working. It’s serious. We’re professionals and this is a headlining tour. You will have to entertain yourself. No time for games when we’re working, got it?” I nodded. “Of course,”.“In public, that means at venues, soundchecks, interviews—wherever, you refer to the crew members, management and staff by their titles unless they personally ask you not to”, Mike continued.“Professional”, I said aloud, “that makes sense. So, I assume this doesn’t include the band, right?” I laughed but stopped when none of them laughed.(Arabella laughs)“I’m not allowed to call you by your first names?”“In public, yes”, Mike smiled, “in private though, you call us Mr. followed by our last names”.“You’re kidding!”“No, I’m not”, he stated plainly. “For example, Carter will be Townsend, Mr Townsend, rather not just Townsend.(Nicole and Arabella laugh) Townsend!
Arabella:Just Townsend!
Nicole:Carter will be Townsend.“No, I’m not”, he stated plainly. “For example, Carter will be Mr. Townsend Zander, Mr. Masters...Or Sir. Get it?”“I’m not dumb, Mike”.(Both laugh whilst Nicole is speaking)“Clearly”, he smirked, pointing out the irony. That mistake earned me a crack up among the band.“That’s already 4-1 for me”, Mike pointed out. I sighed. “What about the Miller-brothers?”“What about us?” Mark Miller asked, smiling.“I take it you two are involved in this, so what am I supposed to call you?” Mike shrugged. “Whatever you want. This only refers to the band members”.“But why?” I asked him.“We like to have fun”, he grinned. “And it’s funny”.“Wait”, Jacob Miller said. “Could you call me Mr. Fluffikins?”(Both laugh) I cringed. “Do I have to?” He laughed. “You can just call me Jacob”. I smiled, relieved. “Thank you”.“Look, this is going to take forever if you’re going to ask a question after each sentence…” Mike sighed. “And as I’ve said-”(Arabella sniggers in the background)“I’ll save my questions for after then”.“Good”.“So, I made a short list of things I like”, he told me, “But they’re not exhaustive nor are they non-negotiable”.“Yes, you’ve said that a few times now”, I reminded him, “I understand they are negotiable”. He handed me a piece of paper. “You had time to scrawl down your fetishes but not to give me a call?”(Arabella laughs) Zander snorted into his shoulder.“Just read the damn thing”, Mike ordered but I could see he struggled not to smile.
Arabella:(In RP, formal voice) 1. Shibari - Bondage 1. Impact play with; - 1) Hand 2) Paddle 3) Flogger 4) Riding crop 5) Belt 6) Cane 1. Humiliation play; - 1) Name calling 2) Spitting 3) Face slapping 4) Acts of service 1. Anal play; - 1) Toys or fingers 2) Penetration 1. Suffocation play; - 1) Use of a gag, and or gagging 2) Head under water 3) Choking 1. Nipple play; - 1) Toy use on nipples 2) Twisting/biting 3) Impact play on nipples 1. Blowjobs - 1) Deep throat 2) Irrumation 1. Primal play; - 1) Rough sex 2) Manhandling
Nicole:“Irrumation?” I asked, “what does that mean?”“Vigorous oral sex”, Mike clarified.“Throat fucking”, Jason said at the same time.(Arabella laughs)“Thanks, dude”, Mike laughed.“So, like will there be punishments?” I asked awkwardly.“They will be suggested and consented to when and if necessary”, Mike answered. I tried not to smile, thinking that they would most definitely be necessary.
Arabella:Absolutely! Not a chance in hell they won't.
Nicole:“On that note”, Mike said, “how do you feel about appearing naked in front of the band?”“Hang the fuck on”, I said, shocked.(Arabella laughs)“Appearing naked in front of the band? What do you mean?”“It’s not self-explanatory?”“Why would I need to be naked in front of the band?”“Well-perhaps as a form of punishment-“ he said, not at all uncomfortable with the conversation, “or you know, sometimes it’s just unavoidable when you spend twenty-four hours a day together on this bus”.“Tours literally change relationships”, Carter inserted.“I need to think about that one-“ I glanced around at the other band members, trying to contain my blush.“So, a few other things you need to know, no insulting or referring to anyone’s current or previous partners”, Mike told me,(Arabella snorts a laugh) You're laughing because you know I already did it.(Both laugh)
Arabella:Yes
Nicole:I already did it. Darn, I actually do it to Carter all the time.
Arabella:Yes
Nicole:Cause’ he…
Arabella:The referring, not insulting their partners.
Nicole:No, I don’t...
Arabella:The referring to.
Nicole:No, no I don't insult their partners. I insult him!(Nicole laughs)
Arabella:Yes
Nicole:Sorry, okay, wow, shut up, shut up
Arabella:Right back we go.
Nicole:“So, a few other things you need to know, no insulting or referring to anyone’s current or previous partners”, Mike told me, “You may not discuss the details of what happens in private with anyone other than the band and the Miller-brothers-““Does your management and bodyguards know what’s going on?” I asked them.“They do”, Mike answered me, “but it’s need to know basis. They don’t know the details. But of course, they had to know some details for you to be here”.“Which by the way”, Carter said, “our manager isn’t overjoyed about so don’t piss him off”. I cringed. “Not a good start”.“Don’t worry about it”, Mike told me, “He just doesn’t like sudden changes”.“Everything seems clear enough”, I told him. “Do I bring up what I have a problem with now, or-?”“Yes, quickly”.“Not a fan of the cane”, I told him.(Arabella scoffs)
Arabella:Quickly!
Nicole:Yes
Arabella:He's had a time to go on like a whole thing,
Nicole:(Nicole laughs) Yes
Arabella:And but yeah, you have to be super sharpish
Nicole:(Nicole still laughing as she starts to talk) I guess, I guess it's because, um, they want to leave and he's kind of like(Arabella laughs)
Arabella:Plus, I know you can jibber jabber
Nicole:Maybe that's a good thing to clarify. Um, Mike isn't, isn't a douchebag, okay, so he's obviously not going quickly, like I don't give a crap about you. It's quickly because he knows I can paragraph, and paragraph and I've asked like 50,000 questions already and you know
Arabella:(She giggles) Monologuing the hell out of things.
Nicole:Exactly so. Yeah, it's not his fault, he just knows, he gets the vibe. He knows I'm about to start a thing.(Arabella snorts)“Do I bring up what I have a problem with now, or-?”“Yes, quickly”.“Not a fan of the cane”, I told him.“No cane”, Mike agreed.“Name calling is fine”, I said, “I just don’t like my intelligence being insulted but it’s not a deal-breaker”.“Minimal insulting of intelligence”, he smiled.(Arabella chuckles)“Am I allowed to have sex with anyone else while I’m on tour?” I asked curiously.“No, only with me”, Mike answered instantly.“That includes the rest of the band I imagine?”“Yes”.“Is that a hard rule?”(Both burst out laughing)
Arabella:Is it?
Nicole:He chuckled.
Arabella:Does it have to be?
Nicole:“Yes, but I’m curious—who did you have in mind?” I accidently… On purpose(Arabella snorts a laugh)…caught Jason’s eye and looked away quickly. “No one”.
Arabella:No one?
Nicole:“Well then-anything else?”“Do acts of servitude include the rest of the band and the Millers…like if they ask me to do something non-sexual…do I have to do it?”“I haven’t thought about it”, Mike admitted. “What do you guys think?”“Could be interesting”, Zander smiled.“Acts of servitude includes the band members and the Millers”, Mike amended, “within reason. Safety first”.“Right—if there’s nothing else-”“One final thing”, Mike declared, “punishments will be for playful things but breaking hard rules like getting in the way of the tour or speaking outside of the circles will result in you going home, got it?”“Got it”.“If you agree to this, we expect you to stick to our schedule”, Mike resumed, “that means when you’re asked to be somewhere, you be there, and you be there on time, you wake up on time, you eat on time. We’re not waiting around for you. This is a forty-day tour and though there are some luxuries, it’s tough”.“Do I have an itinerary I can follow?” I asked hopefully.“Sure, but it changes all the time”, he advised, “better to keep your ear to the ground”. I nodded. “That’s fair”.“Mike is making it sound like all work and no play”, Noah smiled, “don’t worry, we like to have fun too”.“So, is there anything else?” I checked.“That’s everything”, he confirmed. I was so excited to be there that Mike could’ve proposed anything and I would still have agreed to it all.(Arabella laughs)“Then I agree”. I sighed, relieved. “Gosh, I feel better now”. I laughed. “I should go get my bag”.“Your bag goes underneath the bus”, Carter revealed.“I’ve never been on a tour bus”, I confessed. “But that makes sense”. I started to walk up the bus, but Carter called for me to stop. “Don’t get off the damn bus, you’ll make us even more late. We’ll ask Billy to sort it”.“I’ll call Billy, and let him know we’re ready”, Mike told everyone. “Nicole, get me a beer”.“Where is it?”(Arabella starts to quietly laugh in the background)“In the fridge”. He rolled his eyes, as he held his mobile to his ear. “Where else would we keep beer?” I got his beer from the fridge, then waited for him to finish his short conversation with Billy.“There-!” What am I doing?(Both laughing)
Arabella:Straight off the bat.
Nicole:Just, the bus…
Like fuck youuuuNicole:…has barely started. I mean, the bus isn't even moving yet and I'm already being an absolute moose.
“There-!” I banged the beer down on the table in front of him. He gave me a scorching look and I added:“Mr. Solomon”.(Both giggle) He grabbed my wrist and yanked me forward so that my face was inches away from his. I gasped in shock.“Be careful”, he said, his breath hot on my face. The adrenalin that rushed through me made me feel so dizzy that I almost swooned.(Arabella lets out a little giggle)“I’m not a pure submissive”, I said once I regained my poise, “I just wanted to remind you I’m a brat”. He let go of my wrist and I took a few steps away to calm my breathing.“Does anyone else want a beer?” I asked breathlessly. Jacob laughed. “Not anymore”.(Arabella laughs)“Can I have a nap?” I asked hopefully. I didn’t need a nap, but I needed a moment to access the crazy that my life had just become.“I’ll wake you if I need you”, Mike acknowledged. I was so relieved to get a moment to breathe that I jogged back up the hallway aimlessly.“Where are you going?” Mike called after me.“Where do I sleep?” I yelled back to him.“Don’t scream at me, come here!”(Arabella laughs followed by Nicole as she speaks) I took a deep breath and walked back to them.“Where do I sleep?” I asked and then added without being able to help myself,” SIR?” I put mock emphasis on the sir.(Both chuckle) He tapped the closest bunk bed on my left. “Under me”. My cheeks burned with blood as I looked up at him. I recovered quickly. “Oh, good”, I smiled.(Nicole starts to laugh as she reads this line)“So, if you have a wet dream-I’ll be the first to know”.(Both burst into laughter as they try and speak) Why? Why in the world?
Arabella:It doesn’t make sense, but I love it!(Arabella keeps on laughing)
Nicole:It doesn’t really at all. But, but it checks out that I would say something that ridiculous. The rest of the guys laughed; I was definitely playing to the gallery.(Arabella is attempting to quietly stop laughing but is in fact failing) There it is! I was playing to the gallery.
Arabella:There it is!
Nicole:Mike yanked me closer to him by my shoulder. “Manners”, he smirked.“One point for me though, right?” I endeavoured.(Small chuckle from Arabella)“Just get in there”, he chuckled, pointing towards the bunk bed.“So, no point for me?”(Nicole laughs) I'm still trying. I'm like give me the point, give it.
Arabella:I want the point, give me the fucking point.
Nicole:I just want, I just want someone to call me a good girl, okay? Sorry. Wow, calm down.(Both are still laughing)
Arabella:That went a whole other way.
Nicole:Well, it's not, it's the same way. Anyway, okay,
Arabella:I know. I know
Nicole:The look he gave me sent me scurrying into the curtained bunk bed. Finally, I could breathe again. I noted how incredibly turned on I was. It must’ve been the adrenalin. I was going to need to learn to control myself and not be so starstruck if I wanted to survive with them for the entire tour. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the guys’ voices that were coming from right next to me.“She’s cute”, Jason said in a nonchalant, shrug-offish kind of way.“I’m not sure this is a good idea”, I heard Carter say.“What?” Mike asked, “way to speak up now, man—you had like all day when I was sorting this with Andrew?”“Dammit, Mike”, Carter sighed. “You’re, You’re thinking with your dick.”“Carter”. It was Noah. “Is this the best time?”“She can probably hear everything”, Zander agreed.“I don’t give a shit!” Carter shot, “I’ll say it to her face”.(Arabella laughs)“Oh, all right”,(Nicole chuckling) Alright“Oh, all right”, Mike said, “tell me what you’re thinking”.“Can you really trust her not to blab on everything we do for publicity?” Carter continued after a moment, “we don’t know her. Do you really want this kind of responsibility?”“That’s a bit melodramatic, bro”, Noah told him. “It’s not like she’s the first woman on tour”.
Arabella:He is a Drama Queen.
Nicole:Huh, oh yeah, Carter's a Drama Queen,
Arabella:He is a Drama Queen
Nicole:Yeah, yeah.
Arabella:Serious Drama Queen
Nicole:You guys are gonna learn this about Carter. He's a drama queen, for sure. I heard Jason distinctly giggle. “How will her presence do more than give everyone a hard-on?”“No one’s attention…(Arabella laughs followed by a chuckle from Nicole) Say it like, and Jason says it like it is.
Arabella:Ye ohh yeah
Nicole:“No one’s attention will be where it should be”, Carter said, annoyed. “What are we doing here, huh?” Noah sighed. “What are you getting at?”“I don’t think she should be on the bus with us or anywhere near us while we’re working”, Carter voiced his opinion. “She can travel with the dancers or something, and she can hang out with while we’re off”. My heart jumped.“No”, Mike replied simply.“Why the hell not?” Carter shot.“Cause I want her here”.“So do I”, Jason agreed. “She’s been here twenty minutes and she’s already made things more exciting!”
It was silent then Carter added:“Well, if you accept it’s on your head”.“She did sign an NDA, Carter”, Mike reminded him, “there’s very little you need to worry about on that front. I assure you I take full responsibility for her, and I’ll make sure she stays in line”.“Okay, bro”, Carter relented, “I trust you. Is she really worth all this trouble?”“I’m not sure yet”,(Nicole let out a little Ooo laugh followed by Arabella laughter) Damn I mean again
Arabella:To be fair he hasn't known you that long so…
Nicole:No, he's, he's, he's, he's. He's kind of crazy. He's known me a hot minute.
Arabella:Yeah, but it was a HOT minute
Nicole:I'm not sure yet It was a very hot minute(Nicole laughs)
Arabella:It was a HOT minuet though
Nicole:Ooofff Anyway, I can't stop smiling. It's so painful. Oh my god
Arabella:I know, my face too is like oww
Nicole:Oh, let's go“Okay, bro”, Carter relented, “I trust you. Is she really worth all this trouble?”“I’m not sure yet”, Mike told him, “But there is something about that pain in the ass”.
Arabella:Heheyyy
Nicole:“She’s certainly entertaining”, Zander decided.“She also gives a damn good blow job”,(Both let a laugh escape)
Mike added to my dismay as the rest of the band laughed, and someone wolf-whistled, and someone I couldn’t place, said:“Damn, really”.“That’s great for you, man”, Carter said, “but doesn’t help me very much”.(Nicole quietly laughs)“Not yet”, Mike chuckled, “she’s got enough on her plate for the moment. Perhaps in a few weeks if she agrees”.“Excuse me?” I called loudly from the bunk. “Have you seen you, Carter? I’m sure you have no problem getting some in that department without dragging me into it. Not that I wouldn’t”.(Arabella can’t contain her laughter)“Hey!” Mike snapped.“I mean if I was allowed of course, Mr. Solomon”, I added quickly.(Arabella laughs again as does Nicole a bit)“You shut up”, he called. “You’re supposed to be sleeping, not listening to our conversation”. I felt the bus start to move. There was no turning back anymore, not that I would’ve wanted to if I could.
Arabella:Well, with the end of that episode, we really hope you join us for the next, which is called Chicken Tramezzini. Please join us next week for episode three.
Nicole:I'm sure you guys have noticed that what we're doing is naming the episodes crazy things that come from the episode. So, if that helps you look forward to it a little bit. Chicken Tramezzini has something to do with the next episode.
Arabella:The next episode.
Nicole:Yeah,
Arabella:each title is chosen purposefully to confuse and amuse. Amuse? Amuse.
Nicole:Confuse and amuse. And on that note, um I'm sure you all realized that this episode, today's episode, was called Pain in the Ass and that you certainly found where that came from.(Nicole laughs)
Arabella:And why, and why. And why.
Nicole:Why? Most importantly, remember to love everyone, maybe just not as physically as we do in this story.
Arabella:So, so physically.(Theme music plays out with lyrics)“…. Hanging on to everything you said. And everything you did was so wonderful! So unbelievable! What is this world without you? We’re hanging on to what you were, even if it hurts!...”